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The World...Living.....Racing....Crying...Enjoying

Geez, I really don't know what to write about today. I mean this morning, while on the way to work, I actually have lots of idea what to write but told myself to wait until after office hours to start blogging. After all, just because I have resigned does not mean that I do not have to do my work anymore right? Alright, so obi has started to treat me like I will be leaving tomorrow and even requested that I list down what my accounts and projects are. And just now, she sent the whole team an email that we will have a discussion next Monday to 'distribute' my workload to the rest. I was asking the guys what am I suppose to do after that for the rest of 1 month! After all, my last day will only be on 7 Apr 2008.

Honestly speaking, I have a mix feeling about this. I mean, I should be very happy that my workload will be distributed and leaving me free to do whatever I want during office hours. And of course, leaving me more time to update my blog and go blog hopping! But you know what? I am upset more than happy. Reason? Well, it is very simple. When someone treat you as if you will just up and run away without handing things over properly to the next person, you will feel upset too right? I mean, in all my three years plus working in this company, I would like to think that I have more respect than that. I really don't know. Am I being overly sensitive?

After all, she could just be anxious to proof that she is handling this well especially since this would be her first subordinate resigning. (I would say first of many perhaps??). However, how would you feel about a superior that said in front of others, although jokingly, Choh lah mah huan nia (Give people trouble only) about having to find replacement for my position. I really don't know what to say. Either she really have zero people skill or meant what she said....

Enough about this. Right, for someone that don't know what to write about, I sure have alot to say about her. I know that I have been talking alot more often about obi recently. Most probably I am being overly sensitive. I think I better talk about something else before I get myself all hyped up again! Anyway, I was visiting Didi's blog and she has started a rather worthwhile campaign, i.e. a call for people to help stop cruelty to animals by writing about it in their blog.

To tell you the truth, I can never understand how anyone being cruel to animals that can't that can't even argue with you or fend themselves. So some dogs do attack people but that is only because either they are scared or have sickness in them. Most dogs worship the very ground that their master walked on. How can anyone hurt any of this creatures or be heartless enough to harm them. I heard Didi said that some even go to the extend of mutilating them!

It gives me this bitter feeling at the pit of my stomach. I mean, I have two toy dogs myself. One is about 10 years old and is half blind and deaf partly due to old age but mostly due to a stroke he suffered a few years back. Although he can hard hear or see and at times, just pee anywhere he wants, we love him very much. At least when he realised that it is his mistress playing with hm, he will roll on the floor with all his four feet in the air waiting for his tummy rub! I cannot imagine anyone harming him!

I know I will miss them very much when I go KL. I am still contemplating whether my parents will be able to take care of them. If not, I guess I will need to give them away to some loving heart and soul. Know anyone who is willing to take a half blind and deaf male shih tzu and a white female shih tzu? Oh yah, forgot to mention that he has sire many litters and the most recent concubine of his gave birth end of last year. So, if anyone is interested to adopt them, must be BOTH, please leave me a message.

Right, that is all for now. I have said enough especially since I didn't know what to talked about in the first place!

Teenage Moments

I am now sitting in front of the tv watching the American Idol. Tonight is the girls' turn but so far, for the last half hour, I have no heard one that can rival the guys best few yet. And guess who is my favourite? David Archuleta! The really young, really cute boy with his dark eyes look staring at the audience in the studio and at home. The moment he start singing, everyone can't help themselves and be captivated. I am telling you, he will be among the top 3~! And on top of that, he is really shy and modest for a 17 year old boy! Don't you just love his chuckles and laughs??? hahahah..I am turning into an idiotic teenager! bluekk!! Here, let me share a picture of picture that I copied from FOXNews.com :
Ain't he sweet? OK OK, enough about David A. and my silliness.

Let me see, what else have I been doing since this morning. Nothing much except work of course. What do you think I was doing? Sitting around and do nothing? Also, was doing some last minute adjustment to my speech for the Toastmasters meeting tonight. So, that went well. The meeting started with refreshment at 5.30pm as usual. And I suddenly realised that my boss, the g-man is coming for the meeting as well!! *GASPS!*

Turn out that he was there to give 'moral' support to one of his friend that will also be giving his speech tonight. His first speech actually. So, I was really nervous at first and can really really really feel the butterfly in my stomach. In fact, I was hoping really really hard that he will leave right after his friend's speech. Fat hope! I guess I was kinda nervous because this is the first time g-man actually see me 'perform' by giving manual speech in a toastmasters meeting. Good thing I didn't lost any of my lines or something equally silly!

Anyway, the meeting end around 8pm and it was pouring monkeys and bananas! I mean, around 4pm, we can actually FEEL the sound of thunder in our office. Poor me forgotten to bring an umbrella to work today. It was really pouring rather heavily, the type of rain that the moment you step in it, you will get totally soaked! Good thing that clever me immediately was able to find a kind soul to share her umbrella with me. Then I went to babe's sister place to get the house key for babe tomorrow since his flight will be really late, around midnight.

Yes, my babe is coming back for the weekend! In the midst of all the activities at work, I totally forgotten to feel excited about this! LOL~! So, yah, my babe is coming back tomorrow. He will arrive here around midnight assuming that AirAsia no delay! Or else will have to wait till after midnight. Then babe, his mom and sisters will be coming over to the house on Saturday around 2pm. As I was saying, I am expecting world war III after that since I am pretty sure my mom will go berserk. Sigh~! Need to think of a strategy.

Right people, bed time for me. So tired already. MUCKS! HUGS! NITE NITE ^_^

Steaming My Head

I am trying really really hard not to complaint here about obi especially since I know that some of the readers here are people that actually know me and her. But I really really can't stop myself especially when I am still steaming (actually can feel the heat and steam from my head while I am sitting here fuming). I mean I really shouldn't be bothered. After all, in less than 6 weeks I will be out of here and this is no longer my problem. But having said that, I simply beh tahan larr (cannot stand it!!). Really really feeling very frustrated.

After all this time, more than one year of being the person-in-charge of a department is the frontliner that deals with customers from all over the world, you would think that she will at least be more people oriented. I do understand that sometimes engineers have less people skill and is not as diplomatic as need to be when dealing with customers but by Godsake, at least have some common sense! Here we are, trying desperately to get through to the conference center for the last half and hour. Shouldn't that be the priority first, i.e. to try and get through to the customer by hook or crook instead of asking me to list down passdown materials!

For goodness sake, I am not leaving tomorrow or next week. There is still more than one month to go! On top of that, have a little trust. After more than one year having me as the subordinate, at least have faith that I will make sure that I do a proper job for the next one month and do a clean passdown to whoever is taking over. I know my responsibilities and I owe g-man that much! I do not need everything I do and explained checked especially by asking others whether this is correct.

Arrrggghh!!!! God, please grant me patience and kindness in my heart......

Nagging - Man vs Woman

I can still remember when a few years after I go steady with babe, when we are comfortable with each other and start to say what is on our mind, one of the things that he mentioned was that he don't like people nagging at him. Since I also never did like being nagged at, I agreed with him. But of course I couldn't helped teasing him by saying what if next time when we are married and I start nagging him. He will then teasingly say don't want me and will find another younger girl. This is something that we do, tease each other and pretend that we don't care, etc.

I remember this clearly because my mom likes to nag at us and very loso (long winded). Maybe that is why I sort of phobic to being nagged at. I kinda get this tension headache whenever my mom get started. So, I was really glad when babe have the same opinion as me about nagging. I though, good, at least he won't nag at me! After all, we are planning to live the rest of our lives together. So, that is pretty important.

That just goes to show how little did I know. Recently, I realised that babe is getting pretty naggy. I mean, sometimes he will be so long winded and keep on reminding me to do this and that again and again until I cannot stand it. In fact, I did tell him that he is very loso! But his excuse was.... You always forget to do the things I asked you to do. So I remind lor! *PENGZZ!~*

Ok, so true, sometimes I do forget especially when I have too much things to do at work and a lot of things on my mind. But sometimes I don't do what babe asked simply because I didn't have the time to attend to it yet. Or, I postponed them since I will be on leave anyways. So, might as well use the time I am on leave to do whatever need to be done instead of rushing around like a mad woman during lunch time. At times like this, I wonder what happened to the pact/promise we made about not nagging at each other. I realised that man can actually be more long winded than us girls.

There are times that I wonder the reputation for girls about being long winded, likes to nag and gossip is all made up by man to cover their own compulsive behavior. As far as I am concerned, I think there is a conspiracy between all man to maintain their macho image. In fact, I believe that all those buddies, guys-only beer drinking session is non other than a full blown gossiping session. Guys, no point denying this. We know. How we know? We just know....HEHEHE!!

Floating in the Air

Yesterday, my colleague literally bullied me into going to the aerobic class. I was actually all excited and happy about going to aerobic yesterday morning. But after lunch, somehow the energy level just drop and drop until almost flat. Around 4pm, I start to tell Didi I don't want to go already! And guess what she did. She start to remind me about being a fat bride which I rebated by saying that I am sure I will lost weight when I start work in KL. And then she start to say, later become pumpkin bride and proceed to call me pumpkin! LOL~! I actually told her that for some people, pumpkin is an endearment term. But she didn't care, she just proceed to bully and bully until I finally relented.

I am glad I went actually because I did enjoy myself and it was good to sweat out all the toxic after skipping classes for more than a month. I didn't do it on purpose, I mean the skipping class part, not the enjoying myself part. I was on training in KL late Jan for two days and I took the opportunities to extend the stay to spend some quality time with my babe. Quality time to chit chat and do things together. Don't go get dirty ideas ok! And then after I came back, it was just 10days before CNY and with all the rush, simply no time to go aerobics.

Then after CNY, the Hui Sing center was closed until last week. And of course I can't go last week. I mean, Chap Goh Meh was last week right? I am not making up excuses. Just stating the fact and reason why I didn't go for almost a month. And for those of you that is snickering now (I know you are Didi!), I don't care! *bluek* hehehe...

Anyway, as I was saying, I really enjoyed myself. Halfway through the aerobic routine, I suddenly realised that I am actually feeling light as if there are springs in my feet. Seriously, normally during aerobic session, I will feel so heavy and tired. But yesterday, it is as if I have been doing aerobics for ages. Not sure how it the world did that happened but I do have a theory. I think perhaps it was the knowledge that I finally make a selfish decision! Yup, a decision made by me that is totally because I want to do it and not influenced by others.

It is either that or I am actually losing weight. LOL~! Wishful thinking! So, as I was saying, I guess I am feeling light hearted and stressless (not stress free yet) that my entire being feels light. Don't get me wrong. I still have alot of worries, concerns and issues but at the same time, as someone told me, what will happened, will happen and will pass. What matters is that I am happy and I believe it to be the right decision.

SO...DIDI!!! Please bully me some more this Friday if I start to tell you I lazy want to go aerobic!!!! hahahaha!!!

Speed Test

65 wordsSpeed test

Wow! Hard to believe that I can type so fast! I think my colleague that is sitting few feet away from me will start to complain that I type very noisy and fast. Can't help it lar when I am excited! Actually, when I was studying for my diploma, I took a typing class. You know, those that teaches you to type using those really big heavy ancient typewriters!

The reason I quit? The instructor actually complaint that I typed too fast which in turn cause the key to stick to one another. After that, I decided to stop going to the classes. So, I learned half-half only. Now, only my left hand can type using the correct fingers to the right keys. My right hand is still using the one-finger typing mode. I guess to type fast than the 65words per minute, I should force myself to train my right hand as well.

After that, hopefully, my hand will be able to catch up with my thoughts. Then I can really bug you all and talk non-stop on the blog! hahaha!!!

Lonely Day

The office is very sunyi (lonely) today with one of my colleague gone off to Germany for the staff-exchange program that my company just recently decided to adopt for my department. Usually when we come in the morning, we will exchange news and update each other over breakfast.

After that, then we will open our email and slowly ease into our daily routine. Occasionally, we will slap the back of each other chair when we want to ask about something or just want to vent our frustration. Even though the two of us still do chit chat and is still very close, we are not as chatty as last time.

Last time, when we were in the old office, I guess the sitting arrangement allows the fours of us girls (there were four of us then) to just ask questions from our seat to the girl a few seats away from us and at the same time look at the computer screen. Allowing us to multi-task and at the same time have fun doing things. Yah, I do admit that we were very noisy and loud last time but I never remembered being complaint or shush before. Or maybe no one have the heart to do that to us four cute adorable likable girls? (hahaha!)

Actually, we did asked the guys sitting near us a few times if we are irritating them with our chattiness and laughter. They always replied no, we didn't hear anything ler. They say actually they are ok with that since it makes the place more livelier and that we don't do that all the time. Of course we dont do that all the time mar. How can we? We still have our workload to do and we still have deadlines to meet. Just that occasionally, we do need an outlet to release our stress. And furthermore, when you put four bubbly happy customer service girls together, what do you expect? And by pure chance, all of us four girls are able to click and became very close. Now, that is how teamwork can be foster in a department!

As I was saying, we are missing that colleague of mine so much that we even talked about her during lunch, wondering what she is doing at the moment. Trying to calculate the time difference and figured that she still in bed when we were having lunch! And of course, we just have to wonder whether the son cried or not this morning when he sees that his mom is not around when he woke up. Cant help it especially since we been following that colleague to pick her son from the kindy and back to her MIL house before we go for our lunch. On top of that, of course, we are kepoh (busybodies) bahhh!!! hahahaha..

Oh yah, one more thing, for those of you that have kids, be careful! It seems that the HFM (Hand Food Mouth Disease) is back. Some parents might not even be aware that their kids have fever or is sick and send the kid to kindy. Kid being kid, they might not act or look sick but in fact they might have mild fever or something like that. So, be careful. Not sure how but I guess make sure your kid practice hygiene and make sure that the kindy/playschool there are at is diligent about checking kids for fever or signs of HFM. Better be safe than sorry...

Beautiful Monday

Yes, you didn't read the title wrong and I didn't accidentally typed 'beautiful' instead of 'blue'. Of course it is a beautiful Monday. How can it not be when I received so many awards from Rose in just a few days span. I do not know if I really deserve all of them but I am going to claim them as my own anyways! Talk about being thick face huh? hahaha!

Well, you can't blame me for being happy about this. I desperately need this I think after having the horrible nightmare about being giant snakes and gargoyles last night. Actually woke up once in the middle of the night and after calming down and fall asleep, the dream proceed to continue from where it left off before I woke up with racing heart! I don't think this have ever happened to me before, a dream continue after falling back to sleep. I hope I won't have a continuation again tonight!

Back to the awards, so they are:

Rated Excellence and Five Star Blog Award

I am not sure if my blog is really up to that standard yet but I am definitely going to try to work towards that. Of course, I must thank all my friends and blogger friends for the amazing support that I have received in my journey towards making the blog a good (not best yet) one.

Peace and Blogging with a Purpose Award

As I mentioned a few times, blogging world is definitely one of those places where bloggers can voice their opinion and have a purpose in their writing. I am glad that the mean-ness of the world has not seriously pollute the blog world yet. I am definitely pro-peace.

I would like to give the awards to:
TooSuperHeroes
BigFishChin,
AppleJul,
Maurica,
Nessa Mumbling
Zoop's Life

Playing Dominoes

I got this rather unique named tag from Rose called Let's Play Domino. Have not been playing dominoes in a long long time. I can still remember as a kid, the chinese movies will show people gambling with cards that looks pretty similar to the dots on dominoes. Of course, when my dad finally agreed to get me one set of the real dominoes, we had great fun playing with them, i.e. lining them up one after another and then give the first domino block (stick?) a gentle push. Great fun to watch all those block fall down one after another.

So, I guess this tag is pretty similar in the sense that by tagging at least 5 people, we will be able to see the chain that goes around the world (hopefully).

Rule: Copy the entire list and add your name at the bottom. And tag at least 5 friends.
(But you can tag as many as you like)

Thea is {bloggerhappy.com}

Childstar

Mike

My Scrappy Side

Abie

Aggie

Alpha

Apple

Apols

Jacqui

Jane

Jody

Joy

Kelly

Mich

Peachy

Jenny

Nyumix

Rose

JenJenPlace


You may want to allow pings on your entry to enjoy the full domino effect. Have fun!

I am tagging this 5 friends to play along: BigFishChin, AppleJul, Maurica, Nessa Mumbling and Zoop's Life.

Scary World-Thank God I have no Kids Yet

I often wonder why life grows more complicated as we grows older. It seems that even though as an adult, things are suppose to be easier because we have more control over our actions, actions which was supposed to be governed and guided by experience that we have previously. However, we can all testify that this is not often the case. For most things, it seems that we rely more on emotion and feelings rather than what we know is to be the logical ways of doing things.

For others, there are simply no logical explanation to the action a person decided to take. For example, what help a person to decide to kidnap a child and then proceed to torture and rape a child? A child have no knowledge what does all this mean but an adult definitely understand that this is wrong. What drives someone to make the decision to ignore the right and proceed to harm an innocent human being. I guess we will never know unless we delve into the mentally unstable thought of the person.

What more, the craziness seem to have escalate beyond comprehension based on the post titled Living In Fear by JangBokJae is true. I simply cannot imagine how did anyone have the nerve to approach kids accompanied by their mother and demand that the mother handover her child to them at knife point. I can only say OH MY GOD!! I don't know if anyone are able to make sense of this at all. There were time when parents have no fear to let their children out of the house by themselves. No fear at all to let them walked to the playground accompanied by their oldest. Now, even a walk to the next door neighbor might post some danger.

I try to remember unforgettable incidents of my own childhood that is littered with both happy as well as sad memories. My parents were pretty strict. My brother and I were only allowed to play outside the house compound at certain time of the day. Other time, either our friends will come over or we will just play in the car porch. But never ever in my memory do I remember my parents having real fear of letting us go outside. I can actually still remember we will 'borrow' some white chalk from school and draw boxes on the ground just outside the gate to play hopscotch. Sweaty and laughing, having fun while our mothers are either in the house watching tv or cooking dinner with the knowledge that her children are safe playing outside.

I am just glad that I do not have any children in this time of chaos. Yes, to me, this is exactly what it is. I am extremely surprised that the authorities are taken each case of child disappearance as separate incidents instead of compiling a statistics on how serious this has become. I was taught as a student that children are the lifeblood of a nation because they are the ones that will be building the future. However, how can the children thrive in such environment? Somewhere, somehow, something must have gone wrong.

I sincerely hope that with the current general election, the candidates that wins will look into this seriously and EFFECTIVE actions taken. A country with raising uncontrollable crime rate not only have direct impact on the safety of the people living in the country but also on the economy. Who in their sane mind would want to come to throw their money to invest in a country where their employee can be shot, their goods stolen or premise of business break into? How will the investors convince people to work in a country where their kids can be kidnapped, raped and murdered? I will not even mention what this will do to the tourism industry that we are so dependent on....

Why I can't take care of my parents

Nothing much to shout about today although it is Saturday. Dad got us all up pretty early this morning, around 8.30am (that is early for saturdays ok!) because he wants us all to go out for breakfast together. He said something about wanting to eat the Laksa at Thompson Tabuan Jaya. For me, there is nothing special about that laksa other than the fact that they out clams on top of what people normally put for laksa. Anyway, since dad wants, we went.

After brunch, we went to Boulevard for a little grocery shopping. When I said little, I thought maybe a 10kg-packet or two of rice, maybe a packet of maggie noodles and my shampoo. Instead, we bought so many things that when we met my colleague at the coldstorage section, he asked why in the world did I get so many things. Of course, most of the things in the trolley was not mine but as usual, dad and mom go overboard and stock up.

I am really not sure why we need to stock up though. It is not as if to go to Boulevard, we need to drive more than an hour or fight traffic jams. The parking was in abundance and pretty convenient too with the flat escalator that they have there. On top of that, most of the things that we bought today was not even really on sales. Ok, so member price is slight cheaper than non-member price for some of the items but dad actually bought four storage box for RM9.90 each, which was a member price and non-member was perhaps just 30-40 cents more.

Good thing dad decided not to do a bbq tonight or I think he will start to stock up on the marinating sauces as well. When I was a wee little gal, shopping sprees with my parents are always fun for obvious reasons. But as I gotten older and start to earn my own money as well as starting to pay my way, I start to realised how wasteful my parents actually are. For example, once, I bought 5 pieces of persimmon and left them in the fridge. I was waiting for them to slowly ripen and become softer before eating them.

When I came back from my KL trip, I found out that my mom had thrown all of them away as she was cleaning out the fridge for CNY. When I asked why she did it. Guess what her answer was to me.Sigh..She said she tasted one and it is not nice because so hard. OMG! Of course it is still hard since it is not ripe yet! Yes, I was mad and angry. But nothing much I can do about that except explain to mom that why it is not nice and hard....

I really don't know what to do about this. Fine, so I am not the one paying for all the stuff that they are buying and spending but eventually, I would like to be the one that support my parents. But if my parents continue to spends like millionaire, I am not sure when I will be a millioanaire and earn enough money to do that. Of course, I am not being stingy. I would like to be able to take care of my parents and tell my dad that he can stop working, i.e. stop flying here and there to find business. But by God, I am starting to think that I might not be able to do that at all.

I mean, of course the normal stuff and small luxury is important for the morale and fun in living. But when does spending for luxuries becomes excessive and not live motivator? There are times when I think back, a dress that cost RM100 might seemed cheap at the time of purchase especially since normal price is RM300 for example. But how what was the judgement of whether anything is cheap is being made? What was it being judged up against? Was it againts how much money we have then in our purse? For example, if we only have RM100 to survive for the rest of the month, would we still be saying the dress is cheap? How about if we are a millionaire? RM100 would be a tiny ripple on the surface of the water.

I guess what I am trying to say is, in todays world, no matter how much we earn, we will always be hoping to earn more. When we earn the more that we are hoping for, then we will start to upgrade our lives and in turn causing the similar gap in what is needed against what is wanted. And hence, the desire to earn more arouse again. If we can all be humble and make do, I believe situation like inflation or world economic crisis might not have happen at all. Think about it. If everyone just buy enough for what they need, would commodity such as oil price escalate almost beyong control now?

Reaction of Euphoric Action

This is what my daily horoscope said yesterday:

Things seem to be going your way, Jen! In this case, your first reaction is euphoria, followed quickly by concern. Why is succeeding so easy? There must be a catch! You'll be under the influence of the second phase today, which suggests that now that you've had a little taste of success, you should organize yourself to obtain a steady diet of it..

Influence of the second phase yesterday? I don't know if I have created a chain reaction but there was definitely something going on here that I believed was caused by me. A bomb that previously exploding silently is finally now exploding rather loudly and not only once. Or perhaps it is the after effect of the loud bomb which finally have a impact? Oh well, whatever it is, I hope that it will be for the benefit of my friends and not backfire on them. I am actually worried what the outcome of the multiple bomb explosion will caused. However, what is done is done and there is nothing that can be do to undo them.

Gosh, I am sounding very philosophical today. I know some might not understand what I am talking about and will simply skip the above paragraph or the entire posting. But for those that understand, it was never my intention to cause anyone harm by telling the truth. Rather, I hoped that at least before I leave, I am able to leave a legacy behind or at least help you all out of this unhealthy environment. I can still remember the time that we were in our old office. Although we have plenty to do, we had fun doing them because we know that our boss trust us to do what we need to do.

I don't know about others but I have always believe in democratic style of management. I rather my boss tell me exactly what he need me to do and leave me to do it. At the same time, knowing that if there is any issue or concern, I can always approach him and ask questions or for help. To me, this is what you call trust. We are all not young fresh graduates that need guidance all the way. Each and everyone of us have at least 5 years working experience. So, we do not need someone to check on what we do constantly. We are responsible and professional working adults that is able to judge for ourselves when we should start to escalate any problems.

Even fresh graduate have brain to think and prefer to be trusted than have each and everything done being scrutinized and checked in detail. What is the point of assigning and delegating the work and then proceed to go behind our back and request others to change our request? What is the point? To me, either that is showing that there is no trust in my ability to complete the project assigned or no respect for me at all. In this case, might as well no need to give to me the projects.

I have also always believe that everyone have some good in them and something that they are good at. I mean, try putting yourself in someone shoes and you might be able to emphatise with the person and understand why he/she did what he/she done. However, after more than one year of trying really hard to do this, I seriously decided that I finally meet someone that I totally unable to emphatise with and totally unable to understand. I might be prejudice in this and I might be wrong but if so many other people have similar opinion, doesn't this mean that it is right?

How to feel happy working in an office that when we are get shush just because we were loud because excited occasionally? Or being told that I am very loud and rude in the middle of discussion just because I talked more animated and excited? I sincerely hope that the situation will change eventhough I am not here for long. I got this feeling the situation will be almost like hell before I leave because of the chain reaction that I have caused. Oh well, no point crying over spilled milk...

Sexy Eyes

For those that has been regulars here will have noticed that my blogging time for the past few days has lessen considerably. In fact, for today, if it were not because of waiting for babe to call me back, I might just have that one posting. No, I have not done something wrong again that caused me to rethink and amend my ways. Although I still do think that I need to lessen my blogdiction back to a more normal proportion once again. After all, it is definitely not healthy to leave my blog open on the mozilla firefox just in case I feel like refreshing the page to see if anyone left any comments. (Or just to see the counter jump and increase more than I expected on a daily basis). Oh my god, do I have a serious case of addiction here.

Anyway, back to the point, addiction aside, I have been posting considerably less in the past few days. Even if I did, I believe some might say that I am just breezing through most of them. Well, I admit that I have been very distracted since Monday as I wait for my boss to come back from his leave yesterday for me to give him my letter. Of course, today was even worse as I was actually comtemplating deleting and 'killing' this blog of mine. EGAD! Yes, you read correctly and won't be needing help from Zenni Optical $ 8 Rx Eyeglasses that offers simply unbelievable low prices. In fact I would think that it is a Great Discovery: Zenni Optical $8 Glasses, because on top of being cheap, some of the glasses sold was actually comparable and stylist in todays eyewear industry. They also have a huge selection of frames with single vision lens, sun-sensor lens, tinted sunglasses lens, bifocal lens and progressive lens. With this wide selection, I would say the award for Best Thing found: Zenni Optical $8 Glasses definitely belongs to them.

Anyway, back to what I was saying (as you can see, I am very easily distracted recently too), the reason that I want to stop blogging on this is blog is because somehow my boss got wind of the fact that I have a blog. Of course, under normal circumstances, this would have been perfectly alright. After all, I am not defaming anyone by mentioning their names directly on the web for all to see. I have not destroyed anyone's reputation by putting their actual name here. I also did not breach the NDA that I was 'asked' to sign when I joined the company. All that I did was blog and tell the world my feelings, thoughts and release my tension here. So, why would I be concern that my boss knows that I have a blog right?

To tell you the truth, I am not very sure myself.I am just feel uncomfortable knowing that my boss is able to read about thoughts that I posted while I was trying to release my stress or penned up anger on my blog. It makes me think twice or triple times since then when I wanted to post something to my blog. Furthermore, with the shock that I just gave him when I tendered my resignation yesterday, I would think that this is not normal circumstances now.

So, I am in a dilemma yet again. To leave this blog and start another one that is totally anonymous or just continue with this one....

My 2nd Time

For those of you that actually have senget (slanted) thoughts when you read the topic, you better banish them immediately. I am definitely not talking about THAT. Instead, I am talking about the fact that this is the second time that I tender my resignation in my work life. The first time, it was done with glee as the boss was definitely insane and I think he need to consult a psychiatrist. (The last time I hear, he had to resign voluntary or risk being kicked. Reason? Sexual harrassment of another MALE colleague! funny?! I want to laugh but I better behave myself).

I was so happy about leaving that company that I don't mind giving just one week notice especially since the new company offered to buy out the rest of the notice period. I can still remember the day I hand in the letter to that boss. I waited for so long and keep calling the secretary to check if he is back to his office. Finally, I decided I can't wait and just leave the letter with his secretary. About half an hour later, I got a really fierce phone call from that boss to go to his office. In the room, together is his PA (a young man....) and he proceed to give me a lecture and at the end of it he said I betrayed him. Huh? I betrayed him? I think he must be thinking that he is God and I am so desperate or respect him so much that I will work the rest of my life under him. Or perhaps he thinks that I enjoy being mentally tortured by him giving me a showdown for no apparent reason at anytime of the day?

My second time was a rather tough decision for me. It was actually a rather painful process. I really enjoy what I am doing as it allows me to interact with customers from all over the world. On top of that, I know I am good at what I do. Of course, the fact that the work is challenging has contributed to making the work more fun as well. I also am one of those lucky few that have colleagues that are really nice and we go out to lunch almost everyday together. Actually, 4 of us gals from the originally only left 2 but we gals have become very firmed friends. We go out for gatherings and makan (dining) just for good laugh and catch up. Did I say that I will really miss them? Oh, I did...sorry, feeling sad because leaving them behind.

It is also a tough decision not only because of the obvious reason that it is a big huge step to relocate but also because I need to leave earlier than the required 3 months notice. I guess I am feeling guilty for suddenly dumping this on my boss (boss of obi). I can see he was really in shocked when I submit my official resignation to him yesterday morning. We barely talked for more than 15minutes and most of the time he was silently trying to digest the news. After I left his office and the rest of us had our usual weekly with obi, obi requested a personal meeting.

I will not elaborate what when on during the meeting with obi. Sufficient to say that I felt really pissed off and can't wait to leave after that. Although after calming down today, I realised that she does not really meant what she said during the meeting in the way that I felt it is. But rather, it is just how she is, perhaps having the best intention in the world but when the words come out from her, it just sounds like criticism and sarcasm. (Yah, I can afford to be generous with my feelings for her now....hahaha)

I guess I am really touched by my boss gesture and I am happy to know that what I have done for the company and him, he appreciate. I will not elaborate on what he said to me within the four walls of his room as those should always be kept private and confidential. But enough to say that I really didn't expect him to do what he did. It really makes me wish that I can tell him to tear up my resignation letter and tell the other company that I am not going. But as all things, nothing is perfect and the decision not only impact me alone.

Boss, if you do 'stumble to this personal place of mine' and if you are reading this, I hope you can understand how tough this decision is for me. I am very very very touched and honored to know that I am a valuable part of your team. Honestly, I did not have a restful sleep last night thinking over this. But having said that, unless the miracle happen, I really am not able to do much. This is the path of least resistance for me...

Tag from Rose

OK a new tag from Rose which is sort of of like the tag along previously. I don't mind. Will do anything to increase rating for my blog since I need the extra money that it might bring. So, what the tag does:

Tag others and see your Technorati Authority increase exponentially!

The benefits of Viral Linking:

* One of the fastest ways to see your technorati authority explode!

* Increase your Google PageRank fast

* Attract large volume of new traffic to your site

* Build your community

* Make new friends!

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Can I don't tag anyone?

For the 101th Time

The sky is darker than usual this morning as I woke up. And I can hear the raindrops falling on the the roof. As I step into the bathroom to get ready, I can hear the rain steadily got heavier and heavier. It is going to be another one of those gloomy day where it will rain on and off. But what a wonderful today will be! There are puddles of rain on the road making the newly washed car dirty and the ends of pants wet as I walked to the entrance of the office. Rain is great! Rain is beautiful!

So many reasons to celebrate and to be happy about. For one thing, this is the 101th posting. Really hard to believe that on 12 Dec 2007, I started my very first posting. Struggling really hard with the help from Rose to make heads and tails of turning myself into a blogger. The direction then for the blog was to do something that I have be postponing for so long, i.e. short story writing. But again, the intention need to be postponed again. Instead, my blog has turned into a personal blog used by me as a place to let off steam, stress and share with friends updates and happenings in my life.

Despite the short time, less than 3 months, I have made plenty of blogger friends that are great and wonderful. I am glad that the ugliness of the world did not extend to the virtual world of blogging. Everyone is so nice and ever willing to help. It will be hard to believe me saying all this wonderful things about the blogging same time last year. I have always assumed that blogging or bloggers are people that have nothing better to do than to share their skeleton with the world. But now that I am actually doing it, I can hardly stop. Yes, my friends, I have a serious case of blogdiction but I don't mind and am not looking for cure.

Today is also the day of no return. There will be no going back now in the decision that I have made the previous days and weeks. Life or death, I will be sticking to it now. hehehe.. No, don't worry. Not so serious actually but I have officially tender my resignation today and my last day of work should be 7 Apr 2008. Another big step done and settled. Now, the other big step to climb over would have to wait for my babe to be back next weekend. By hook or crook, peace or war, I will be going to KL and start the new chapter of my life.

Homecook Dinner

Was browsing through my pic in KL and found some of the pictures of the dishes that I cooked for my babe while we were there. The dishes were very simple but babe love them because he missed homecook food. I guess when you are staying away from home (and capable gf *wink*), very kolian (pitiful) because always need to takeaway food from cafe. If you are lucky, might be able to find some fastfood at the coffeeshop that serve food that tasted almost like the homecook.

But least now babe is better than when he just went to KL. The first few months he stayed with a friend, he said that he will only eat crackers and milo for breakfast and lunch since the friend don't eat at home and hence, the fridge do not have any food to cook. I was worried sick because even dinner, he sometimes will only have them around 11pm or midnight when the friend is back so that they can go eat together outside. When I went over, I realised that the mamak are only 15minutes walk from the house! There are also 7-11 near the mamak and convenient shops. When I asked why he didn't walk there and eat or takeaway, he said lazy. Gggrr....men~! Want to pengsan (faint) I hear him.

Broiled pork with fried shallots and ginger crisp

Meatball Soup (The broth is left over from after broiling the pork)

Brocolli with soya pork

Simple meals but a healthier choice as we know exactly what was put into the food. Hopefully once babe & I get our own place and I start my new work, I will still have time to cook us dinner as often as possible. But looking at things, seems like most meals will be takeaway and the opportunity to cook maybe will only be during weekends and holidays.

Perfect Boyfriend/ Hubby

Received an email from Didi on the definition of the Perfect Boyfriend. I think it is rather sweet and glad to know that my babe is almost perfect *wink*

So here is the list of what a perfect boyfriend should do:
• he give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in.
I guess we all seen this on movies where the gal will spend the night and wake up wearing his shirt and walk around in the kitchen.

• leave her cute text notes.
Babe don't leave cute text notes but rather, he sms. Modern mar..hehe

• kiss her in front of your friends.
Public display of Affection (PDA) is something that babe don't often do because to him, those are private moments. But of course, having said that, kissing at the stroke of midnight during New Year Eve, Christmas, etc in a crowd is sort of like a tradition to reaffirm our love for each other.

• tell her she is gorgeous..
Telling the gal that she is gorgeous (and MEAN it!) is a high point scorer for any guy. All gals want to know that their bf/hubby think they are the prettiest woman in the world even if she feel fat at the time.

• look into her eyes when you talk to her.
Oh boy, I remember when babe and I were always gazing into each other eyes and let sparks flies when we just start dating. That aside, i think it is common courtesy to look at someone when they are talking right?

• let her mess with your hair
I don't know why but gals just love to run their hand thru their bf/hubby hair.

• touch her hair.
And gals like to have their hair touch, caress and kissed by the one they love! That just gives me warm comfy feeling thinking about it.

• just walk around with her.
Hmm..walking around as in just walking is ok. But if I go shopping, I rather leave him at home.hahaha..

• 'FORGiVE HER FOR HER MiSTAKES'
I think this goes both way. Forgive each other. We are all human and we make mistakes.

• look at her like she`s the only one you see.
Babe is really good at this actually. I am one of those few lucky ones that I know I can always trust my babe that I am the only one for him.

• tickle her even when she says stop.
Eiks! I don't like this! I prefer to be the one tickling him! haha

• hold her hand when you`re around your friends.
So sweet right?????

• when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
Good strategy. Catch her by surprise...

• let her fall asleep in your arms..
Sigh..I miss my babe!!!

• get her mad, then kiss her.
OOii..nothing better to do ah? hahaha.. But I guess it adds spice to the relationship as long as it is just teasing!

• tease her and let her tease you back.
Trust me, this is how to make a relationship last (erm..almost type lust! haha). Having fun while being in love^_^

• stay up all night with her when she`s sick.
Babe actually hold me tight and keep checking my forehead for temperature when I was sicked the last time that we went to Genting. Don't know why, I always fall sick when I visit Genting.

• watch her favorite movie with her.
Helps if both our movie preference is similar.

• kiss her forehead.
Not sure about this. I guess it is suppose to show affection. Sort of like you are the little gal and he is taking care of you

• give her the world.
Sacrifices comes with all relationship right? Just make sure she knows the sacrifices you make.

• write her letters.
Email count? haha..actually I am the one that wrote him those love emails, confessing my feelings to him. Usually, no reaction or response from him but I know that he likes them.

• kiss her in the pouring rain.
I rather cuddle

Wow...didnt realised that this thing is so loso and long! Anyways, there is no fixed and firmed rule of being the perfect bf/hubby. Most important is to show your affection & be sincere. Which I believe will come naturally when you care and love someone

Reason For Living

My heart is telling me to write about how I am feeling now but my mind does not know how to go on. My heart felt so heavy and as if a tight rubber band is being wrapped around it and pulling tighter and tighter. Somehow, feel like letting myself cry senseless and let the tears flow freely down my face instead of controlling the emotion. Hoping that the tears will give me a sense of relief. Feeling sad and sympathetic that senseless deaths occurred for no reason other than it is act of God.

All this because of me trying to make sense of the news of a parent of someone I know passing away after struggling for a few days after being knocked down by unlicensed motorist while jogging seems most unlikely. Seems like only something that you hear about in big metropolitan city but it happened in a small town of Sarikei, Sarawak. The nearness of the place is too close for comfort. Death is always a shocking thing even if it not someone you care or love. Somehow, it is hard not to relate when it is someone of a someone that you know, no matter how little one know the person.

Somehow it reminds you how vulnerable the life of those that you love. How easily shattered the harmony and peacefulness of daily activities. From the moment we came into the world, we came in crying. Perhaps because we know the adversity that we will face. When we leave the world, then we hope that the world will cry for us because we have helped make someone else life better.

It is selfish I know but I am thanking God that my dad do not like to go jogging or even for walks. Perhaps this will not reduce the possibility of being hit by a car or strike by lightning but all the same, I can hope. I hope when the time comes for the one that I love, I am prepared and am strong for those around me that need me. I hope that I will be able to make the necessary decision as times such as this.

Then, another death, another lost. This time to a very young wife. The sadness and passion felt for the widow is unimaginable. Somehow, the image of her facing the fact that her dearest one has decided to take his own life, leaving her behind is simply unimaginable. Imagining unfallen tears at the corner of her eyes as she tries to be brave. Imagining the pain in her heart at thinking what had happened? How did it happened? Why did God let it happen? Feeling her confusion as she seek all around her for an answer.

Sigh, despite the short and passing acquaintance with the widow, the memory of her while we were working in the same company cannot be erased. It is hard to contemplate how life and living can become so bad that a person resort to taking his own life. I guess there is no way to understanding this. Again, I am being selfish and starts to think about my babe. My sweet babe all alone across the South China Sea. Again, thanking God for giving me this wonderful chance to experience stable and security that babe gives me.

I ask God to give us all the strengths and wisdom to move on with our lives and appreciate those around us, elders, parents, brothers & sisters, uncles & aunties, husbands, childrens, friends and acquaintances.

What I Love and Hate (meme)

Windy tag me with the meme called What I love and hate. I think I did this once before but I dont mind doing it again and I am pretty sure some of the things I love and hate will be different from my previous answer. Just for fun, I am going to try something different and put any many love & hate with Obi as the main topic...hehehe...

1) Love to eat: At any place that serve good food with good service as Obi is not there
2) Hate to eat: I hate liver also (hahaha..the only non-Obi related thing:P)

1) Love to go on: Gossiping session with the gals especially to b'tch about Obi.
2) Hate to go on: Evidence and fact finding session just because Obi do not trust what was said.

1) Love it when: I give my letter and see the look on Obi face!
2) Hate it when: Obi breath down my neck and check everything that I do.

1) Love to see: Obi panicking when she sees my letter...
2) Hate to see: Obi walking to my desk with the look that say 'Are you sure you already do this?"

1) Love to hear: My colleagues telling me cham Obi is after she is finally being transferred to non-ppl related position.
2) Hate to hear: Obi calling me a few months after I leave this place asking me god-knows-what

Phew!! hahaha..I am not going to tag anyone with this:P

Sacrifices

Row Row Row your boat
Gently down the stream
Throw the teacher overboard
Then you hear a scream!

hahahaha...I have always like that altered version of Row Your Boat. Not that I really intend to throw the teacher overboard, but sure does have a nice ring to it. I mean, you can always substitute the word 'teacher' with any other person that you dislike at the moment (for example: Obi) and there is a sense of satisfaction even though you know that you wont be doing that in real life.

Life is so full of unpredictable happenings. Although I have always dreamed of going outside of Kuching to work, I have never seriously considered that it will actually happened. I mean, all my life, I have been living, studying and working in Kuching. Although I was borned in Sibu, Kuching is always my hometown. Sufficient to say that I am rather excited obviously about the prospect but at the same time sadden by it.

Sad because of many many different reasons that only a Kuchingnite no longer living in Kuching can relate to. Although some might say that with the convenience and cheap fare offered by AirAsia, it is easy to fly back and forth. But it will never be the same as living or staying at the place. I mean, what if I suddenly have the craving for kampua from A1B2 at BDC? I cannot just get into my car and drive there and have a bowl. Neither can I ask my colleagues if we want to go eat there for lunch.

Food aside, there is of course the transportation and commute time. In Kuching, the thought of taking commute time into consideration was never a big issue. We can practically get to anywhere in Kuching in less than 30minutes maximum. Most of the time, within 15-20minutes. Babe and I already estimate that for me to get to work daily would take roughly an hour because of the traffic jam. Of course, I also need to learn to be brave and drive more aggressively compared to driving here. In Kuching, I will have no problem to make my mom's toes curl while sitting next to me in the car. I just hope that when I drive in KL next time, it will not be my toe that is curling or perhaps it will be my hair trying hard not to get all fumed up by the other drivers for being a road-hog!

Of course, another major factor will be finances. While in Kuching, if at anytime I have overspend, in other words too broke to eat outside, I know when I go home, there is for sure food on the table or at least maggie or bread. But living independently would mean foregoing that pair of shoes that I know will make me look slimmer. It will also mean not being tempted to buy that extra rich imported coffee that I like and just settle for Nescafe with coffeemate. No more impulse spending (or at least try to minimise) or else face the consequences of being broke and not having money to pay for rent, utilities, petrol, food, bla bla bla bla...

OH MY GOD! I am sure you are thinking, IS THIS GIRL INSANE! So many cons compared to pro. I admit, it is a huge step and although my dad didn't said it out loud, I know he is ready to jump on the next plane the moment I call for help but I am choosing to make the sacrifices because I will be with the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Even with the big mountain and ocean that we need to climb and swim through now, babe and I know that it is worth it. At the end, all things will pass and what remains is the love we have for each other. For better or worse right??

Some might be asking me if it is worth and also how does someone love another person so much. Well, to be frank, I have no answer to how come I love my babe so much and how come he love me so much. But sufficient to say that the sacrifices are definitely worth it. How can it not be when he is willing to abandon his family and friends in Kuching so that he can get a better job so that we can have a good life. How can it be not worth it when he tells me that he hope that I will not have to work in 10years time so that he can take care of me. How can it not be worth it when he say that when we sign, I will finally be his officially. And how can it not be worth it when he asked me what endearment term I want him to call me...

Yes, it is definitely worth it...

Paradigm Shift

Yawn! I am in my office this morning trying to get my act together. There are just too many reports to complete and I simply can't do them during the normal working hour with Obi breathing down my neck asking for updates for every little tiny things. After almost a year taking over the group, I am still trying really hard to understand her and give her a chance. There were even rumors that she is knows her weaknesses and is trying to change. The rumors might be true because we do see a slight change in her especially in the way she dress (not that it help much to her appearance but at least she tries!). She even start to leave us alone and trust us with out work (most of the time anyways, which is a great achievement for her).

But after just a few weeks, she seems to be going back to her old ways. Can't blame her I guess. After all, we did study during college years that human behavior is the hardest to change. And in order to change a human behavior or shift their paradigm, the only way is if the person want to change. Or else, outside influence will only do make a very small dent which can be repaired almost immediately. In which case, the person will then go back to the original habits and believes. The easiest way to change or influence someone's behavior is when they are still children. (Can't imagine Obi as a little gal!!!)

I guess that is why babe is worried about raising kids in KL because he is worried about peer pressure. He is asking me again if I think we can come back to Kuching and work here in 10 years time. In fact, we had a bet on it because I said that by then we won't want to come back because we would have gotten so used to the life there. I gave him examples of some of our friends there from Kuching that always say that they will come back to Kuching one day. But up to now, it remain a dream. Babe disagree. He say maybe in 10 years time I don't have to work and can be a housewife when we move back to Kuching. WOW, I never thought he feel so strongly about this. Guess we will know in Year 2018.

Babe is coming back on 29 Feb for the weekend to meet up with my dad. And then he will go back to KL on 2 Mar. A really short trip but since my dad practically insist that he at least meet up with him to discuss our plans, so he better do that. Actually, both babe and I always assumed that it is sufficient that his mom and relatives came on behalf of him to propose. However, my dad would much rather if babe himself come and discuss the matter with him. Babe told me that when he called my dad, my dad said that just babe, babe's mom & sisters is sufficient for the discussion. No need to bring the whole entourage this time. hahaha..guess dad really got a shocked that time.

As I said, never assumed what the old people think. We, the younger generation (not that I am very young) might think of one thing but parents will think of 10 different things about the same topic. I guess they have much more to worry about especially when it comes to their rather rebellious daughter! I must admit, looking back, some of the things that I rebel about was rather hilarious. But I guess at the time, it is very important to me. I guess 10 years from now, looking back at this few months would be a unforgettable memory as well. Something that I will share with my kids and grandkids in the future...

Gosh, I am being melancholic again. Maybe it is because there is NO ONE ELSE in the office now except me. Too lazy to go lunch..hahaha..Didi warned me about getting gastric (Ain't she nice!). Sigh, I will definitely miss all of my colleagues. One of the best choices that I made in my life was to decide to work here. This is where I met some of the nicest people that is now my close friends. I sincerely hope that once I am not working here, we are able to keep in contact. But sometimes, distance make this rather hard. Sigh..

Friends, although there are times that we do not talk much at all or communicate much with each other. I will always be there whenever you need me. All it take is a phone call, sms, email or call for help, and I will try my best to help or just be a listening ear and shoulder to cry on...

Jumble Mumble Nonsense

The sun is not shining as brightly again today. It seems that is has been raining almost every morning in Kuching while I am on the way to work. Even when I was super early like the other day, the sky was cloudy and threatening to spill buckets of water on us. Indeed, it is impossible to go around without an umbrella or two in the car when you are in Kuching. While it is raining monkeys and bananas here, it seems that where my babe is, the sky is clear without a hint of rain anyway. We are thankful for this actually since he goes to work on his bike even if the distance is only 15minutes away.

Hard to believe that it is actually Friday and weekend is just around the corner. Seems like just a few days ago, I was complaining about getting Monday blues on a Tuesday. Where has the time gone to? I guess with so many things happening in life right now, I somehow let time slipped by me without much notice. And then pretty soon, it will be time to say farewell to the old and hello to the new chapter of my life. As I was telling my friends and babe, I have mixed feeling about this.

Happy because I do not expect to be offered a job with pay that is almost towards the range that I am looking for and of course because I will be with my babe. Sad because I will be leaving my parents and friends behind. Worried because of my parents and also the challenges that I know we will face when we are there. Anxious because I know time will fly and the the world war III that I know we will face at home because of my mom. Nevertheless, I am looking forward to this as I have already made up my mine that I will do this.

Had a heart-to-heart chat with dad this morning. Turn out that he is not very pleased with the fact that babe didn't came in person to propose or approach him before or after the big entourage came to my house the other day. Sigh~! I tried to explain to dad that it is very hard for babe to take leave since he is still very new at his job. But dad said, "Surely he can come back just for a day to see me. He can take off during the election and fly back and fly off again the next day". So, babe will be coming back for one of the weekend when he is not working on Saturday.

To be frank, the both of us thought that because he is not here, his mom and big team of relatives came on his behalf would have been enough. But dad seems to think otherwise. I guess that just goes to show that we should never try to assume what other people think because no matter how well you know the person, you are NOT the person. So, babe will be calling dad this evening to explain as well. Hopefully, that will smooth some ruffles with dad. I really want dad and babe to be close enough to discuss anything.

Right, enough about my morning woes. It is much to early to be filled with all my nonsense.

Catching the Runaway Nose

I am feeling so sleepy today. Despite the fact that I have drank 1 cup of Cafe 21 and 1 cup of ginseng drink, I am still feeling sleepy and drowsy. It is even worse now after having a rather heavy lunch of lau su fen plus wantan (small pieces of rice noodles with chinese dumplings). Furthermore, was not feeling so well this morning. Sneezing non-stop and running nose. Decided to take clarinets which stop the nose from running away and not suppose to cause drowsiness. But I am finding it hard to concentrate much now. Can't even contemplate the idea of preparing a report that customer been asking since yesterday. All the numbers and checking needed makes me feel like telling the doctor to give me sick leave for today...sigh... I think I can feel a fever coming up.

Must be all the junk food and carbonated drinks I been taking in the last few days during Chinese New Year. On top of that, been sleeping really late and waking up early almost daily. Of course, as mentioned in my previous posting, have not been sleeping well too. I can still my body all hyped up and desperately need to discharge the excess charges but unsure how to do this. Nothing seems to work, even sleeping as early as 9pm the other night didn't helped much. I wonder if all this contribute to the feeling of wanting to get sick. Or maybe it was my brother's virus passing on to me.

Thank god nothing much happened this morning at work. Customers were asking easy to handle questions via emails instead of calling me to follow up. If not, I am not sure I can give them coherent answers. To top the cake off, I actually need to give my Speech number 7 for the Toastmaster Competent Communicator manual. Alamak! I have not even look at the notes. Not sure if I can do this with much dignity and correctly. I might end up repeating the project again because didn't fulfill the objectives. I don't feel like backing up now though because not so nice right to do that last minute. After all, no one like someone that can't keep their promise. I especially dislike people that promised to do something but end up breaking them.

Babe asked me something that got me stunted the other day. He asked me if I think after the relocation to KL and start work there, if there is any possibility of us relocate back to Kuching in maybe 10 years time. Only then I realised how homesick he must be. But frankly speaking, I think it will be very hard to relocate from a Metropolitan city back to a smaller city. For one thing, there will not be as many opportunities and the offer most likely wont be as competitive.

Having said that, of course, the future is hard to determine. We can always consider to start up a business and if we do not have enough savings by then, there are alot of Small Business Loans available to consider as an option to source for starting capital. There are really alot of loans options out there. For example, AFSLoans (Accommodative Financial Loans). Unlike some competitors, AFSLoans has no application fee, no hidden charges and boast to have one of the lowest interest rates for unsecure loans. Not only that, with 30 second pre-application at no cost and no obligation and approval window of 24-48 hours for loan valued between $10K - 150K, making it a temptation that is rather hard to resist.

Might even be a good option to take out unsecure loan for that special vacation, wedding plan or renovation that been thinking alot about. Oh boy, I thought I am sick. How come I can still daydream so well! Guess the synapses in my brain just can't resist the temptation to blog and talk non-stop. Thank god that blogging is in written form and not spoken. Or else I think I might lost my voice after just 2 months.

CNY, Gathering, Flood and Gambling

Today is the 8th day of the new Lunar Year and we are half way through the Chinese New Year celebration. Traditionally, the first 15 days of the lunar year is reserved as auspicious time of the year and is to be celebrated throughout the 15 days.. Nowadays, except for the first few days, I think most of us will be too embarrassed even to visit friends or invite anyone over as most of the goodies are gone.

I missed the good old days when we were all still studying in College. That was the time when we are not too old to be burdened with worries of the world but not too young to enjoy it. I still remember a Chinese New Year gathering that we had once upon a time (Can't even remember how long ago that was). We had all gathered at one of the friends house and the plan was to visit each other and will end at my house for dinner and gambling (Not something to be missed during CNY okie!).

By the time the troop reach my place, I think the sky has start to darken considerably although it was still pretty early in the evening. On top of that, it has been raining on and off throughout the day too. We are hearing news that some low land are starting to have floods. We were not worried since my house then was located in a place that has never suffer from any floods throughout the ten years that I have stayed there. But little did we know, by the time the friends were ready to leave, the flood was actually starting outside my house. Good thing it was not too bad, only a few inches but the road leading out from the estate was very bad.

The gang ended up leaving my house around 3 in the morning. And my brother was stranded at his friends house until the next day. It was definitely an experience that was hard to forget. I think that must have been almost ten years ago but it is still fresh in my mind when my friends are frantically trying to call their family and reassure them that they are alright but stranded at my house. Thinking back, what if we had gone home earlier and gamble on the online casino instead. But I guess back then, when internet was not so popular among Malaysian yet, the idea of gambling online was rather scary. If there were websites that does online casino review to help filter through the online casinos and help the players to have a more memorable, hassle free and safe environment, most definitely we will have more confident to log on and start having fun.

Oh well, I guess that is something to be considered next year during the Chinese New Year. This year, sufficient to say that other than the first two days, I became the Queen of Hibernation and stayed glued to the tv, bed, laptop and food.

My Poor Heroes

For those of you watching Heroes Season 2, just a reminder to cherish each of the episodes that is already on or will be on because the last one might end at episode 11. Yap, just 11 because of the writers strike that is currently happening in US now.

Season 2 was supposed to be two volumes and the 2nd volume is from episode 1-11 and volume 3 from 12-23. However, when the strike was unavoideable, episode 11 might as well become the season finale. The production of Heroes has to shut down when the directors, cast and creators refused to cross the picket lines and joined them instead, which was on 11 Dec.

Guess with no quick resolution soon, there is a high possibility that the rest of the episodes not being able to come shot quickly enough. Sigh so sad but we cant blame them I guess. I just home the things gets resolved soon...

For more detail, view here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJ55Ir2jCxk

Idol Idol Idol......

I really pity the contestants in the American Idol. I mean, I am sure before they joined AI, no one ever tell them that they absolutely have no singing talent despite the fact that fact that their friends, relatives and family told them that they have great voice and can sing very very well. Not only that, judges (yah, especially Simon) does not only insults their singing abilities but since the contestants can play musical instruments while they are singing, they get insulted for their ability to play them as well!

I was actually sitting in front of the tv and waving my hand in slapping (trying to slap lar) one of the contestant that start CRYING when the judges start to criticize HIM! Yah, a 18 year old crying like a baby on stage and then backstage after the judges say YES to him! sheesh! Dont understand why they actually put themselves through all the embarrassment. Dont they know that AI is not only viewed in America but almost all parts of the world? I simply cannot imagine putting myself on stage for no matter what reason unless I am reasonably confident that I am very good at what I will present.

Wait a minute. I forgot that those contestant were told by their friends, relatives and family that they are good. Then, WHY would those people lie to them! It is better to be cruel to be nice right? What if one day their grandkids saw the video clips of them making a joke out of themselves on AI? Ai yai yai...I suppose he/she can always say: Well, kids, I was misled into believing that I was that good...Apparently your great grandmother decided to lie instead of breaking my heart and let big jerk Simon break it instead.

hhmm...I wonder how much they pay Simon to be frank and to tell the truth? Oh yah, and how many bodyguards AI producer provide him. Ooo, how much would his insurance cost??? hahaha. Ok ok, enough badgering Simon. He is the only honest God fearing person in the entire AI judges panel that tells the truth and speaks his mind without all the twist and turn. Hei, he is even cute for an ang moh..

Funny Questions

I am feeling so happy right about now because obi just agreed to let me go back at 4.30pm today in exchange for me coming in one earlier at 7am for conference call with my customer in US. At least she is considerate in this sense and allow us to claim our time-off accordingly, as long as it is according to her rules. I can see that with this particular customer, this will be the trend for most of the conference call, i.e. having to come in early at 7am. Oh well, I dont really mind actually. I enjoy the feeling of being able to go back early while everyone else is still working. Also then I have an excuse for packing up and leaving right on the dot..hahaha..

The day has been very busy and packed actually. Since the meeting at 7am this morning, the work has been pouring in and the phone has been ringing non-stop. In fact, a few times, immediately after ending one conversation and putting down the phone, another call came in almost instantaneously! Starting to feel like a receptionist that daily task is to entertain phone calls. But I guess that is the consequences of being the owner for so many online projects. Anything goes wrong or if error occur in the system, they will start calling me up and asking for SOS.

A colleague of mine asked me a very funny question (funny for me anyway). He asked me, you and babe dated so long already, still celebrate Valentine's Day? And then he asked me another question, he give you flowers for Valentine?

OMG! I am not sure how to response to him. I mean, what in the world make him thinks that if the couple has dated for awhile, then there is no need to celebrate occasions like Valentine's Day? Does that mean that married couples don't even have to express their love for each other anymore simply because they are married? As for the flower, perhaps young couples will associate V-day with gifts and flowers but shouldn't that day be a day to remind each other the love that the couple have for one another? Does monetary or material always need to come into context when it come to expressing or showing love to your spouse/partner/bf/gf?

Actually, I always tell my babe that I dont want him to buy me flowers for V-Day. I mean, have you seen the price of a single stalk of roses sold during or around V-Day? I think I saw somewhere, around RM12-15 depending to how nicely the single stalk is wrapped or presented. During normal days, a single stalk will only cost around RM3-4. That is about 300-400% mark up in price! Really crazy lar. What a waste. For me, there is not much use for flowers no matter how expensive the flowers are. In the end, it will die and then either you have to throw them away or let it be dry flowers to hang somewhere. In which case, in the end, will also be thrown away. I remember I ever drive pass a house in Polarwood area where the rubbish bin is filled with a few bouquet of dried flowers. Even the restaurants, bistro and cafe are marking up their prices by offering so called Couple set meal or V-Day package.

Maybe new couples or those that just start dating or courting might want to cherish the day more but basically, more matured couples (like babe and I) take it just another day. After all, why in the world just have one day to express your love for each other? Must there be a reason to give flowers to your wife/gf? Do you need an excuse to buy your husband/bf a gift? Why should you only tell each other how much you love each other only on a certain day? Dont let the merchants that has commercialised V-Day as an excuse to cut your throat!

So, I want to challenge you, think of ways this V-Day on how to NOT spend more than what you usually spend on a daily basis. I think it will be hard for some and very easy for others.

Sunset, Sunrise & Mom

I love sunset and sunrise but this picture is making me feel melancholic and missing my babe very much. Especially with Valentine's Day around the corner, making me miss him even more. I know, we should cherish each other and show each other that we care everyday and not only on Valentine. But like all special occasions, it is nice to have the person that you love next to you right? Which is why it is good that I received the job offer to start work in KL in Apr.

But to be frank, I am having second thoughts about relocating. (Dont worry, I doubt I will change my mind.) The reason that I am having second thoughts is because of what I know will happen and also of course of the unknown. Throughout the day, I keep on imagining what my dad and especially my mom will say when I tell them. Actually, I was thinking of being the coward and just tell my bro and dad. Then get them to tell mom because I know either:
1. When dad & bro tell mom, mom will immediately call me wherever I am in disbelieve that I will abandon her (in her mind that is what it is) and start to scream at me over the phone. I always have the image that this will happen while I am at work.
OR
2. I am at home, we tell mom together, mom still get hysterical and say I abandon the family and we have a big fight (tsk tsk, I really must learn to control my temper) and then I will walk out of the house and stay with my aunt (dad's sis).
OR
3. We tell mom, mom rant and rave for days (with dad having a screaming match) even until the day I am suppose to leave for KL. And then mom start to call me everyday at all hours telling me dramatic stories such as your sister is sick, when are you coming back?

Having a very big headache just thinking about what could happen and trying to decide which is worse. Perhaps it is hard for most of you to believe that this is what I believe is going to happen but considering the alternative if I am to tell her myself, trust me, the above scenario are much favorable. Even my friends that knows me for years will tell me that the scene I described is impossible. Surely mom wont be so dramatic until it is almost like watching one of those Taiwan drama series. Sincerely, I dont know what her reaction will be. I am contemplating plotting with my bro & dad and lie to her outright, saying that the company sending me to KL for one year training. And then after she get used to me being away from her nest, then I will say I found new job in KL. Yes, people, I am a coward when it come to telling my parents about making my own decisions. ( I feel like swearing but I will refrain myself...)

Ggggrrr....why cant I be one of those that just have to worry about getting my butt to KL and finding a place to stay and become independent. Instead, I am worried about how to tell my parents about my decision to move to relocate across the South China Sea. A 31 year old woman scared to tell her parents what she have decided. Aint that pathetic?

I am not worried at all about telling my boss my decision. In fact, I look forward to seeing her face when she find out. My colleagues jokingly mentioned that I should give her the letter in front of them so that they can see her face when she knows what it is about. But i dont believe in burning bridges in case you need to cross them again in the future. So, I will be nice and give constructive suggestions during the exit interview. Something about 4 very capable and highly motivated team under someone that is fully capable to do the work of a subordinate but not to lead.

I am also looking forward to being independent and having a place of our own, babe and mine. It wont be an easy life of course but I know we will have fun all the same. I hope I am not making you guys feeling melancholic too with this posting. Just need some place to destress and release all this penned up tension that I am feeling inside of me. I think I am not even having real proper sleep. Woke up this morning feeling like I was electrified by aliens while I was asleep. The whole body feel like it is on tight wrigger and is ready to snap at the lightest touch or provocation. Come to think of it, been feeling this way since the last few mornings since I know I am being offered the job and I am taking them.

Sigh..cant wait for all this to be over and done with!

Electric Shock Collar

It is not Monday today but as I was driving to work today, suddenly, I have the famous Monday blues attack on a Tuesday. I think it was because of the realisation that Obi is also coming to work today. Yah, my neck breather is back and as early as 9am this morning, she is already making her rounds asking for updates and feedback and blablabla. I guess she is all energised and anxious to start work after her long break. Even the people from other section is getting fedup with her request for feedback and answer when they already inform her that the person-in-charge have no update yet.

But you know what, as I was in the washroom sitting on the toilet bowl doing my business, I suddenly came to the realisation that how I feel and do is actually controlled by me! Why in the world did I allow my feelings and action to be the reaction of someone else action or words? Why should I let Obi demotivate me? To be honest, I feel like kicking myself in the butt for being lazy and let my feelings rule what I do and how I act.

Yar, I know, some of you might say I can afford to say that now because I am planning on 'running' away far far from the screwed up obi. But think about it, can someone else think for you and process your thinking into feelings for you? Nope but what they can do is actually effect and influence you to feel a certain way. That is why motivational speakers makes tonnes of money from just talking and making you feel all hyped up during their seminars. But bottomline is, if you do not have an open mind to listen to what the motivational speaker want to convey, then, there is nothing the speaker can do to effect or influence you.

So, what I am trying to say is, think for yourself and not someone influence you to think. Good right? NOW ALL I have to do is to REMIND myself DAILY what I just said above and everything should be peachy and glossy.

Problem is, I have very short term memory especially when I am angry or frustrated because of other people's inefficiency (or plain stupidity), I rarely are able to think of the above and react rather forcefully by voicing my opinion loudly without thinking! Maybe someone need to come up with the invention that reminds me of the above, something similar to the buzzer collar for dogs to remind them not to bark but minus the pain from the shock....I think it send small electric shock to the doggie whenever it barks. Dont that sound very cruel? I mean, we will not even consider putting such a collar on human being, why should the cute adorable dog that nature intended to bark to heaven comes be put through such torture?

Alamak! I do talk alot of garbage and junk dont I. Ok, I better stop this nonsense and talk about something useful in the next few posting.

Questions & Answer - Me?

I got this tag from Didi and decided that since I have already watched the season of House before, I might as well do something useful and do some blogging instead. Right, I think this tag is basically to let people know more about me and I will try my best to answer them as honestly as possible without making anyone falling asleep (psstt...in case you detect a white lie anyway, pretend you just see the white and not the lie :P)

1.) What was your dream during childhood?
- Dream as in what I want to be when I grow up or dream when you are sleeping? If dream to be when I grow up, well, believe it or not, I want to be a secret agent. Aint it cool to have the adult agents coming into the classroom and tell your teacher that they need to whisk jen away from the class for a secret mission? hehehe..I know, I know, chi sin... If it is about what I dream when I was sleeping, well, I think since I am crazy about horror and ghost movies as a kid and yet like to hide behind a pillow or my big stuff teddy, I tend to have terrifying ghost and monster related dream!

2.) Rainy days or sunny days. Why?
- I like rainy days because there is alot of things you can enjoy during rainy days. For example, dance in the rain. That is fun right (Dont lie, I am sure you did that at least once in your life). Or lying in bed at night under nice warm blanket with the watson pink stuffed dog and hearing raindrops falling on the roof. Or just sitting in the house looking out of the window when there is a drizzle just after a heavy storm. I used to tell a friend that I can actually smell the rain sometimes...

3.) Which colour do you prefer?
- I am always in black since it suppose to have the slimming effect. But I am trying to brighten my looks. So, pink is the color I am into at the moment.

4.) Who would you marry?
- Is this a trick question? Babe, is this a trick question?

5.) What present would you prefer best?
- A gift that is received or given when it is least expected and seeing the smile on the person's face when they see the gift.

6.) What are you most afraid of losing?
- Love ones and family more than anything else in the world. They will always be my top priorities.

7.) If you met someone you love, would you confess to him her or keep it a secret?
- Well, I dont believe in love at first sight but if I have a CRUSH on someone, I will not confess to him because I am actually a very shy gal^_^

8.) The dumbest thing you had done in your life?
- Errrm...would knowingly allow someone take advantage of me count?

9.) Which type of person you hate the most?
- I absolutely dislike people that like to talk big, do name dropping and show-off. There is this uni classmate of mine that is absolutely handsome but he really really like to do name dropping alot. I mean in almost every conversation that he made, he will start with, do you know such and such person bla bla bla bla. First few time, you feel so blurred and actually fell stupid but after awhile, it just get old and boring. To make matter worse, I know he have something for me to the extend that he start to 'accidentally' touch me and I got crept out once when he supposedly 'accidentally' brushed his hands across my butt in the lecture hall which is full of people!!! I was already dating my babe then and sufficient to say that I make sure that I am never alone with him no matter what.

10.) What is your ambition?
- Would winning millions from the lottery count? hahaha

11.) Would you rather be someone else at this moment?
- Yah, a motivated self. With my Obi, I have no motivation to work most of the time and that is extremely dangerous as it mean the person will be prone to making mistakes and missing something.

12.) If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
- Ermm...can I say winning millions from the lottery again? :P

13.) What do you think that is the most important thing in your life?
- Love ones & family

14.) What qualities do you want in your other half?
- Ask babe, he has all the qualities I want in my other half!

15.) Who is your favourite cartoon character?
- Gosh this is a tough one. Havent been watching cartoon for awhile. hhmm..would becoming a member of the ghostbusters do?

16.) Which is the best time of your life?
- Spending time with all the people that I love and care about.

17.) Who do you wanna meet at least once before you die?
- hhmmm...was going to say God but I guess I will meet Him when I die.

18.) What would you do if you could go back in time?
- Visit my grandpa before he pass away and ask him how come he love my bro more.

19.) Most memorable day of 2007?
- This is the easiest, the day that babe asked me to marry him ^_^

Wah lau, this tag is so long one! Didiiiiiiiiiii...I finished the tag liaw.