Short talk: First time.....failure!!!!

SIGH!!! My first ever kueh and failed! Stupid recipe from the Aug09 Women Weekly for chai-tau-kueh lied! The portion is not right somehow and its all wrong. SIGH!!!! ARGH!!!!!!! WASTED! Thank god the ingredient are not expensive or else I will be throwing hard earned money into the dustbin. So, am I going to try again? DEFINITELY! Maybe not chai tau kueh but maybe bingka ubi. Hmm...........................

Time flies!!!

Feeling happy since last week. All the hardwork and determination and self believe is paying off. I am finally getting feedback and response. At the speed this is going, I might just start to have good news by next week itself! Based on what I see, by end of Aug09, the big change will happen! What am I talking about? Not going to tell you all yet. Have to wait for it to actually happen before telling la.

Anyway, this weekend will be going to Penang with babe and one of my colleague. We will be driving down and intend to stop on the way for breakfast and whack when we in Penang. Going to meet up with another colleague and his family when we are there. So, definitely going to be a makan (eating) expedition. It will be babe first time to Penang! My colleague is even tell me that he will pick me up on Sunday morning to go to the wet market! I dont mind but I doubt babe and the gal colleague want to follow.

I know, I am crazy. Why go wet market. Well, I think it is cool and good way to find more local dishes that cant be found in KL la. Some more, I am also looking to buy some topiaco roots to try my hand at making the nyonya kueh (bingka ubi). We been on nyonya kueh eating spree this 2 weeks and the kueh is not cheap at all. 2 small slices for RM1.80! If make, I think the whole tray will cost less than RM10!!!!!

Sigh...can anyone help me to make the time go faster? Fastforward button remote perhaps!! haha

p/s: How to make the time fly? Throw the watch out of the high building and see time fly! :P

Food Diary

Thursday, didn't packed food for lunch since went swimming with K on Wednesday night and then dinner at mamak. So, no food to pack to work. Decided to go back to Lam Place to try the other dishes there. I ordered the loh lam mee simply because I can't resist the delicious photo they have pasted on the wall. The noodle came looking EXACTLY like the photo, 2 huge peeled prawn, 2 pieces of pork ball and a sprinkling of shredded meat and parsley, all this swimming in super thick mouth watering sauce. I ordered the set with is for RM12.90 and it came with the Loh Mee, pork ball soup and a cup of warm soya milk. The soya milk is great because unlike other places, it is not sweet and its thick enough that you can actually taste the soya milk instead of sugar water.



On Friday, since the doc gave me MC and told me to stay at home and rest, I decided to ransack the freezer to see what to have for dinner. Decided to cook something rather simple and soupy, pork leg with bittergourd soup. This is one of babe's favourite soup and I learned this from his mom and sister. Basically, it is pork leg (or meat or rib, don't matter which type as long as it is pork!) that is cooked in water filled that is flavoured by Tong Nam soya sauce. The recipe is super simple.

I pan fry the pork on high heat for short while just to make sure the meat don't fall apart after cooking in the soup. Then I add a whole bulb of garlic, 3-4 tablespoon of Tong Nam soya sauce and enough water to cover all the pork meat (if you like more soup, just add more water. No harm). Cook till the pork is almost tender and then add in the roughly cut bittergourd. Once the bittergourd is cooked, add salt and pepper to taste.

I also cooked some egg omelette with onion (or telur dadar in BM) to accompany this for our lunch today.

Then babe start to clean his aquiriam. I felt restless so start to rummage the kitchen to see if there is anything simple that I can cook today. Then decided, hhm..pancakes...even better, milo chocolate pancake!! (Babe didnt like the plain normal pancakes which my dad adore! I miss my dad ~>_<~ ). Anyway, the milo chocolate pancakes, the wonderful chocolatey smell that fill the kitchen, simply cannot descripe. You need to smell to know what I mean!


How to make? Very simple and fast. 3 scoop of flour, 1 scoop milo,2 spoonful cocoa powder, 1 spoon sugar and enough water to mix everything into a slightly watery batter (roughly 1.5cups). Once everything is mixed well, just pour one scoop onto the nonstick pan over small-medium fire. Once you see bubble forming on top, then it is ready to flip it to the other side for a shortwhile just to seal the other side. Then its done! You can have it plain like that or smear chocolate spread or kaya over it! DROOL!!!
Ok...enough liaw. I am going to take my nap now! :P

Breakfast?

Hhmm..been posting lots of short talk recently here. No choice. Trying to grab every free time available and update the blog here and there. Been super busy since I came back from Kuching. The Friday after I got back was our quarterly staff meeting and as usual, I have lots of slides to prepare but before I can put anything on the slides, have to prepare the background reports first to generate the final numbers. I actually managed to finished everything by Wednesday but boss decided to add and remove some of the items (some a whole slide that took alot of effort to get the final numbers but I guess he is the boss).

Anyway, as I said in one of my previous posting, the quarterly staff meeting actually ends 1 hour earlier than the original schedule. This itself was really amazing because I have attended at least 4 previous such meeting and NONE of them ever end ahead of time (or even on time for that matter). So, I was happy about that and instead of going back, asked one of the colleague to drop me off at 1u so that I can meet up with an old friend, her parents and aunties. Have not seen her parents for a long long time. Used to be when we were in school as well as college, we will drop-by each other house alot and our parents know each other. I guess that is what we call good friends?

Yar, we have that many history together, since primary 1!! That would be roughly 15 years of friendship! WOW!!! Of course, I am always the one that is here again and then off again since my dad used to work for a bank that relocate him here and there to take charge of new branches. In the end, we did settled in Kuching but I was again relocated from Form 1 onwards and only finally back again in Form 4. After secondary school, we drifted apart and go our separate ways. I went for my Diploma in Accounting, LCCI for a year or so. Then fate threw us together again in our college years when I did my degree.

Of course the best time was when we were all in Nilai to finish our final years. Those was the days. Away from parents and doing whatever we wanted. Of course course work and assignments are completed (and with fantastics results for someone that skipped 50% of her classes *smirk* Ya ya..showing off! hahaha). Anyway, after college, we all went back to Kuching to try to search for our first job. Somehow I ended up in the education industry and she went off to KL. Lost touch for awhile (my fault..I admit) and finally got back together again when I came to KL to work. So, that is the long history cut short.

But I have move so far away from my original topic. I was actually going to talked about what I had for breakfast the last few days in the busy-ness of work. Before I gone back to Kuching, I usually will go off to mamak first before starting work since babe usually sent me to the office by 7.30am. (I start work at 9am). So, instead of going straight to work, I went to mamak, have my breakfast and read a good book. Generally taking my sweet time and relax.

But since I got back from Kuching, I have not been to the mamak in the morning. Well, ok, once but that was after I went to the office, did some work and one of the colleague, R did not bring breakfast because we had a loose-agreement the day before that we will go for mamak thosai that morning. So, as I was saying, no breakfast at mamak and too lazy to prepare breakfast from home and just dont feel like taking oat (as I should), I ended up having coffee and whatever cookies that the pantry have at the time. I actually managed to take a shot of my typical breakfast on Monday.

Super thick coffee with coffeemate
3-layer cookie with cream

I am really addicted to coffee! I must have one cup in the morning or else I wont be able to function throughout the day! Recipe to make the best thick coffee: 1 tablespoon coffee, 1.5 tablespoon coffeemate and 0.25 tablespoon sugar! HAHA! YAR, now you understand why I get such a buzz after morning coffee!

Short talk: Morning talk

SORETHROAT!! It started yesterday morning with a slight tingle in the throat and running nose. Then it progress to a really bad headache. Which leads to being told to drink 6 glasses of water in half hour to detox and get rid of the headache. Of course, this means that every 15 minutes for the next hour or so, I was running to the loo to relieve bladder. The good news was the headache did go away for a few hours. The bad news, well, it came back in the evening! :(

Anyway, this morning it got worse. Swallow also pain and lots of blister in the mouth. Nose are running slightly again too, sneezing too. Hopefully this wont progress to headache and fever. Seems that alot of sick people in the office this few weeks. Must be because of the weather and haze. Even my boss was down for 2 days since Monday. Hopefully I can survive thru today just in case the important call came in for the appointment after work came in. Hhhmm..any miracle cure or not ah??? Fuzzy fuzzy fuzzy....

Short talk: LOA WORKS!

London bridge is falling down...falling down..falling down..lalalalala..HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!! Why I am happy? NOT TELLING!!!! BLUEK!! HEHE! Sufficient to say that the LOA has been working really well for me. Everything that I tell myself is happening actually happens. Just need to practise more and refine the techniques. Like K say, "Ask and believe, you shall receive". I guess the hardest part is believe that it is happening. Believe that it is possible and attract what you want to happen to you no matter how stupid or impossible it sound. Because the world is energy. You attract the energy of what you concentrate more of your thoughts and effort on. OOpss, do I sound like crazy? Don't matter. No matter what, I am a firm believer of LOA!

Hidden Little Corner

Found a little place near 1u today that is well hidden behind the Kluang Cafe and Bread Story Bakery. I think the cafe is call Lam Mee Place or something like that. Apparently, they serve the most original authentic lam mee? I have no idea what is that but the pictures they have on the wall was definitely very tempting. (Warning, dont go there with a super hunger or else you might order everything on the menu...er..wall)

Anyway, my colleagues cant stop talking about it because this place apparently serve the meanest nicest Chee Cheong Fan! So, since we are in need of substance and a short break, we walked to the cafe for a short short short short short breakie! We end up ordering not just the Chee Cheong Fan but also Soya Kueh Teow with chicken. And boy oh boy! They were telling me the truth or maybe because they know my taste very well?

The Chee Cheong Fan was smothered in sweet sauce topped with pickled green chillies and fried shallots. The texture, extremely smooth and goes down so wonderfully when you slurp it! Somehow, just cant stop after one mouth! The set comes with a glass of super rich soya bean drink that is mix with minimum sugar. At least they are health conscious and not out to get everyone on high sugar level! It also come with a bowl of soup with 2 meat balls and lo bak! OH MY GOD! I tell you, I do not mind having the soup and meatball without anything else in the future! DROOL!!!!!

he soya kueh teow with chicken, well, nothing to shout about but if you fancy something simple, this is the dish to go. There are other dishes such as curry mee, lam mee, lo mee and many other type of noodle dish. AND for once, I actually remember to snap photos before it got all eaten up!




Oh, we also ordered Royal Milk Tea which is essentially normal milk tea (Teh Chi Peng!) hahaha!! That I forgot to snap until it was too late! HEHE!

Buzzing Hyper Brain

Trying really hard and not let my mind try to grasp everything in one snap shot. My brain goes into overdrives sometimes when I have lots of things to do. When this happens, I will usually take a step back, breath deeply and attack whatever that is on hand. Of course, sometimes, this does not work and other things sneak into my mind and makes me panic unnecessarily. Then I have to remind myself again to take a deep breath and slow down. So, imagine my surprise when I see what is on my horoscope today from www.astrocenter.com:

Your brain is buzzing around in high gear, dear Aries. Anyone else would get dizzy trying to process even a tenth of the things that filter through your brain in a day. The key for you is to not speak every single thought aloud, but to keep your processing internal. People want to hear your final decision, not the 20-step thought process you went through to reach that decision. You will save everyone a great deal of time when you do.

Hmm...ok...at least I got 5 things done since 8am this morning. Still pending is the ISO - CPAR thingie...sigh! Dun want to do can or not!! HAHAHA! I think R gonna kick me when he see this :P

Chinese Pamela from Baywatch?????

One weekend, after babe and I did a little shopping at Kepong Carrefour and dinner at one of the many coffee shop there (cant remember what we ate), we finally remember to stopped at this small stall selling pau (steamed bun) at one of the walkway the block after Jusco. We have seen the stall many time but always only remember to stop when it is too late to do so. And as usual, promised ourself that the next time we go to Kepong, must remember to buy some pau from the stall and bring back. After all, based on experience, this kind of stalls selling just pau and siao bee (meat dumpling) are usually really nice!

That weekend, somehow, for once, I remembered to remind babe to slow down and stop right in front of the stall so that we can get some pau for next day breakfast. We initially planned to get two char siu pau (red pork bun) and two bak pau (pork meat bun) but upon reaching the stall, I cannot help noticing something that is really really different. I asked the uncle, what is that. He proceed to tell me that it is the Yek Chi Mei pau. HUH?? I know my spelling is wrong but for those that do not know, she is an actress that was famous for her big boobs. Something like Pamela in Baywatch I guess.

Anyway, I cant help myself and decided to get one char siu pau, one bak pau and one yek chi mei! Total damage was more than RM9. Pretty expensive just for three pau but wait, you will know why the pau is named after some lady assets! Look at the photo below. I placed the bun on a plate and into a pot to heat it up the next day for breakfast. From this photo, it sure looks like any other ordinary steamed bun. Right???



WRONG! Look at the below photo. The one with the red dot is the char siu pau and the other huge gigantic pau is the yek chi mei! Yup, the pau is HUMAGOUS! HUGE!!!! NOW you know why the pau is name that yah! HAHA!


Babe and I shared the pau. When I cut it into half, the inside was so full of meat! I mean if I have a scale then, I think it will be more than a quarter pounder. More like a half or 3/4 pounder. The pau was really soft, smooth and most important, just thick enough to make the meat taste super yummy! And hidden in between all those meat, is half a boiled egg. Really yummy!! (Sorry, forgot to take photo!). This is definitely one pau that I dont mind having again but not for breakfast la..maybe lunch or dinner! (And I will try to remember to take photo next time!! HAHA)

Five Thirty Eight in the Evening

5.38pm - Doing absolutely nothing except surf the internet. Babe is taking a nap before his tonight outing, dinner with his colleagues. So, yap, I will on my own tonight and no cooking to do. Just need to iron his work shirt and pants for tomorrow but that can wait. Want to do absolutely nothing for awhile and enjoy it! Have not done much during the weekend. Yesterday was nice slow and easy. Except for the homemade American breakfast yesterday, we ate out for lunch and dinner. Lunch was a simple affair at 2pm near the coffee shop near our place.

I have chicken rice while babe at hot plate noodle with pork chop. Then at night, we went to Kepong Carrefour and ate at the food court nearby. Then off we go back home to have a Heroes movie marathon. Watched till almost 4am before we finally decided to stop and sleep. If we have our ways, we would have watch the whole series in one sitting! Err..hang on, I did that before when I was in Kuching! HAHA!

I woke up at 10.30am this morning and just couldnt go back to sleep no matter how much I want to. Decided to cook stir fry beehoon and pan fry salmon for lunch and also so that we both can pack that for our lunch tomorrow. Babe only finally woke up around noon but we only get to eat around 2pm. Then watched 2 more episode of Heroes and now babe is napping till his colleague call him to join them! Apparently suppose to be some where near here.

What am I going to do while he is out? I have absolutely no idea. I am thinking DURIAN! But no car to go out to buy some. Walking is out. No way am I going to take a 20-30minute walk one-way just to buy durian. And even if I did, I wont be able to hide the smell from babe when he get back. HAHA! The thing is, babe is stopping me from eating durian because each time I took some, I will sure be sick the very next day for a few days! Frankly speaking, I dont mind! No office or house work! When else can find that!?!?! HAHA!!

Alright, alright, I am letting my true colors show! Enough for now then. I might log on again later if I really absolutely bored!

SPLATTED CAKE!

I AM SO UPSET!!!!!! The cake I just baked dropped!! Yes, freshly baked chocolate almond cake dropped to the floor. So wasted!! I took it out of the microwave oven and I have not even take 2 steps when the bottom of the cake gave out and the whole cake dropped to the floor and go SPLAT! DAMN DAMN DAMN! A pretty cake with lots of goody in it too!! ARGH!!! Is this a sign that I shouldn't bake another cake ever again???

Babe said I shouldn't buy cheap baking tray because I sometimes will just use those disposable aluminum ones or the metal tray that you can get for less than RM10. But the thing is, this tray is actually cost more than the usual once because it is those removable bottom with non-stick surface! The type that has a clip at the side where you unclip to loosen the side from the bottom and can actually remove the side to reveal the cake. Normally, people use this for delicate cake that you can flip over to take out the cake. I have no idea how come the bottom and the side is so loosely fit now that the bottom can actually give out eventhough I clipped it on properly already.

Sigh! I was thinking to destress by baking something instead end up I feeling upset and lost! Lost in the sense that it is wasted la! Instead of enjoying the fruit of my labour, end up cleaning up the mess made on the floor and the door mat I had in the kitchen. Only about 1/5 of the cake was salvage and the rest goes into the dustbin. I think I must shouted rather loudly too because babe's reaction was rather immediate and he came into the kitchen seeing me frozen in place and staring at the splatted cake on the floor! But come to think of it, it is kinda funny seeing him see me that way! HAHAHA! Ok, I feel much better now :P

So, I am thinking, maybe I should bake some pineapple tart instead? When we came back yesterday, in the walkway, I can actually smell someone cooking or baking something with pineapple jam. Smells really sweet and yummy! I guess that is why I decided to bake something today and since baking a cake is much less time consuming than cookies, I decided to make the chocolate almond cake. ARGGH!!! HMPF! Lesson learned, next time want to use a baking tray that can open at the bottom, must hold the tray at the bottom when carrying it. SHEESH!

Run into a wall and knock my head!

Anyone have a cure for splitting headache? Sigh! Been having headache since after lunch today. We had our quarterly staff meeting today at the Tropicana Golf Club which starts from 8am and luckily actually ends 45minutes ahead of time. Seems that either we are all getting more efficient at presenting what we did or just too many issues that the boss was in attention throughout last quarter. Either way, it works well for me because I am glad to have valid reason to go home early.

Anyway, the reason I am having a headache, the meeting room was so cold that I actually try to curl up against myself just to keep warm. With the room being so cold, everytime we go out for a breaks and as all meeting of this kind, we have morning break, lunch and afternoon tea but dont worry, I didnt whack much at all. The food was HORRIBLE!SIGH Cost cutting here and there I guess. I have digress, so the room was cold, outside hot, cold and then hot and then cold and then hot, this cycle is definitely not good for those that is prone to being sick. Me, I always thought I will not have a migraine ever again but how wrong of me.

So, if you guys know any cure for headache, I would sure appreciate it. Guess what cure babe gave me to get rid of the headache. (And for those that is thinking of SOMETHING else, NO! It is not THAT!). He told me to run into a wall and knock my head against it!!!!!! And he said that with a goofy smile. So bad lar him! HHMPFF! This husband of mine, sometimes, I really feel like giving him a big kick. Luckily I am in a good mood since the weekend is here or else sure I will show him my silent war face! GGRR!!!

Ok lar for now. I know, my post seemed to be getting shorter and shorter but dont blame me, blame the migraine :(

MUAAAAAAAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!

Cant help it! THIS is too funny not to share!!

Memoirs from the Mental Hospital
Record I
Patient A: "So how.... this book’s not bad ya?"
Patient B: "Excellent! Astounding work. No nonsense shit, sharp and concise to the point. But there's a major flaw in this piece of art too many character names to remember!!!"
Nurse: "Hey! Can the two of you. Put the telephone book back to the original place?"

Record II
One doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ears off, what will happen to you?"
Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear..."
Doctor: "Hmm.. that's normal...So if I were to cut your other ear off, what will happen to you?"
Patient: "Then I will not be able to see..."
The doctor became nervous and asked: "Why would you not see then???"
Patient: "Because my spectacles will drop down..."

Record III
IMH has an old lady who wears black everyday, carries a black umbrella and squats @ the entrance to the IMH everyday without fail, rain or shine. The doctor wanted to administer treatment for her and decided to start by understanding her behavior.

So, the doctor also wear black and carries a black umbrella; squatted outside together just next to her, rain or shine, everyday without fail.
So...days goes by... the two of them squatted side-by-side w/o a single exchange of words for one solid month....
One fine day, the old lady finally broke the silence and asked the doctor: "Err...Excuse me! Are you also a mushroom?"

Record IV
A nurse saw a patient writing a letter. . She got curious and went to take a peek... But the patient didn't wanna let her see.
Nurse (unable to contain her curiosity): "Who are you writing to?"
Patient: "I'm writing a letter to myself..."
Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone write a letter to himself?)
So she asked again: "So...what's written inside?"
Patient (got impatient): "You crazy ah? I haven't received the letter, how would I know??"

Record V
Two patients escape from the IMH. They climbed up a tree and one of them fell from the tree and started rolling on the ground.
After a while, the patient rolling shouted to the top: "Hey! How come you are not coming down yet?"
The patient on top replied: "No.. no... I can't...I'm not ripe yet"

Record VI
One patient visited the doctor: "Doc...how? I think I'm a chicken since I was born..."
Doctor: "Woah! that's very serious...Why do you only come and seek treatment now?"
Patient: "Because my family needs me to hatch the eggs..."

Record VII
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH.
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home after unloading the stuff.
He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix on the new tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
The truck driver was very sad as he can't fish the bolts up; started to panic.
Coincidentally, one patient walked past and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient nonchalantly replied: "can't even fix such a simple problem...no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..." he goes on explaining:
"You just have to take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why do you stay in IMH?

Patient replied: "I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID! "

Dont even ask if I am Involved!

10.05pm - Watching the CSI:NY on AXN. It just started. So this is the interesting part when someone somehow died. And then the story goes on.

Today is the 7th day after I got back from Kuching. So, that mean the end of the incubation period for H1N1. This mean that I cannot say every sniffle or cough that I have might me THE flu and need to do self-quarantine. To tell you the truth, the first day I was back I actually did have a rather bad running nose and cough but no fever. Since I was still on leave, decided to wait and see whether it got worse, i.e. fever! Thank god (or too bad!) the running nose and cough got better the next day. So, we assumed that it is just the change from cleaner air in Kuching to super poluted hazy air in KL.

Started work on Friday last week. As usual, after 1week off, tonnes and tonnes and tonnes of work and email to catch up on. I think I have not felt the time fly by so fast since I was in my old company when the customer was making use of me as their personal planner without benefits (not that the customers that I have now is not trying to do the same!). It is great having to work one day and then have two days off during the weekend! I think I never enjoyed my weekend so much since I moved here.

And then it was Monday. As usual, Monday super hectic with all the reports due and on top of this, rushing to prepare the material for our quarterly staff meeting this Friday. Somehow, someway, I always seemed to be involved one way or another either in prepare the presentation for such meetings. Always numbers and data...lots and lots and lots of it! My eyes want to come out of the socket already! Anyway, am glad I got major part of the work done today. So, at least, tmrw when I go for the review meeting with the team, it will be mainly touching up on the slides. Hope boss wont ask to add too many more slides. SIGH!!!

Am looking forward to WEEKEND!!

I am not going AWOL, I am just homesick...

What in the world am I doing? I have no idea....
A week of doing absolutely NOTHING except eat, sleep and drive slowly without any stress at my hometown has given me a taste of freedom! Yup! Freedom. Which of course (yalar, of course), made me to wish and think again of my dream, to earn enough money doing what I love and working from home! Been throwing ideas around with my friends and colleagues for awhile and I might be able to work something out. I just need to push myself to get it started, i.e. start an online recipe book which will somehow be able to make me some mullah? I got really upset the other day because I realised that some of the recipes that I see in books, newspaper, magazines were similar o some of the recipe that I created for babe to try! Sigh!!!!

Another thing that I have always wanted to do was to write romance novel. I seemed to remember that I do this pretty well too. Well, I am assuming that its good because I get goosebumps when I re-read what I wrote last time. That was when the computer was not a daily household item yet. Yah, writing with long hand and forcing myself to write fast enough to catch up with what is in my mind! And now that I can finally type fast enough to have a good race with my mind, my muse seem to have decided to retired or go into hybernation! DARN! Anyone know how to revive or buy a muse? :P

Anyway, enough nonsense blablablabla from me. Just updating the blog so that everyone know I am alive and well. Just abit lazy to update my blog now. Still going cold-turkey after one week of parent-love at home. Yup, homesick!! I never realised that my parents's place is so homey and welcoming. And the kitchen felt so refreshing and yummy! And fantastic place to cook and create new dishes in! SIGH!!! ~>_<~ Yar, feel like crying! Miss them very much.....how come Kuching cant be like here to Penang? At least I can still drive and see them when I miss them. SIGH! OK lar, enough la..I better stop before I really start crying and babe wonder if I am going into serious depression and send me to the doctors! :P