Thursday, September 17, 2009

Crazy Old Man

I know I will be leaving all this behind in less than two weeks and I should not let it affect me. But it is pretty hard not to feel hurt and unappreciated when I been working hard to make sure that me resigning would not affect the team much. So, it is really upsetting to hear someone said straight to my face in front of other members of the team that he thought I no longer consider myself part of the team. And this is simply because I have not been keeping him in my email loop!

Really hurtful and irritating especially when I have done nothing but THINK of the team! If I do not consider the team, why the world do I bother to push the vendors so hard the last 2 weeks to pull in the deliveries so that it will not clash with the golden week holiday in China early Oct! In fact, in each meeting that we been having, I have been reporting improvement that the vendors were able to make in the delivery schedule after monitoring, pushing, begging and even threatening!

Did he think that the job just get itself done if I dont do anything about it. Did he think that if I do not put any effort to THINK of the team, things will somehow be ok? BLARDY IDIOT COM! And just because someone that I recommended for to replace me said during the interview that a boss need to be supportive and respect his people, I am automatically the prime suspect for such statement. Or perhaps I am the one telling my friend to say that to him? AGAIN, BLARDY SHALLOW COM!

To think that I actually have regrets for resigning from the company last few days. Talking to R about the potential that this company has and the career prospect, it makes me think perhaps I can reconsider my decision. But after today, it has reaffirmed my decision is the right one for me. No more doubt. Just a positive outlook of the next adventure in my career.

Sometimes I wonder, why the hell does the company do not do SOMETHING drastic already. How many more good people need to leave the company before anything will be done? Yar, it is easy to find a replacement but can the company be sure that the replacement will be as good as the person that they are replacing? And even if the person is, will he or she be able to work well in the team as we are now?!?

But I cant help thinking, did they dont even know how lucky they are to have this team? The few things that kept me going when I came home too stoned and tired to even cry is my husband, my friends and my team members! The only few regrets that I have about leaving this job is leaving the guys from my team to suffer. I hope and pray they know when to get out when things get too unbearable and have the strength to fight back. DONT LET THE BLARDY COM BULLY YOU GUYS!

I still cannot understand why God gave me COM though. Perhaps it is to make me look within myself, learn and know when to accept defeat. Perhaps it is to show me how 'unique' a boss can be. Or maybe so that I know myself better and push myself to higher level? Or it is simply to remind me of my goal to climb the career ladder?

Looking at the big picture, I know I have gained more than I lost. I can just imagine, 10 years from now, looking back into this chapter of my life, I will smile at my foolish optimism and naiveity.