Friday, June 19, 2009

Consumed...

Life is full of twist and turns. Sometimes the road is straight and easy. Sometimes, the road is so full of sharp broken glasses that you have to pick your way through them carefully or else risk being cut. But if you are never experience hurt before, then how would you know what being safe mean? If life is always full of goodness, then how would you know exactly what is the definition of goodness. Of course, to me, this is all nonsense because I for one, am willingly bask in the glory of goodness without any complaint at all especially now.

I am at the point where I couldnt care less about what happen anymore. All I want is out or else I will go crazy. Is this wrong for me to give up? Is it wrong for me to call it quit? I am never a quiter but when life throws me so many(too many) sharp glasses that it is seriously affecting my health, then it is wrong for me to call it quit. Cant God just give a little and help me for once? Have I done something wrong and so sinful that I am being thrown into one challenges after another? Or maybe God has turn his face away from me and do not care anymore? Call me crazy but this is what I feel.

My heart was pounding so heart yesterday because of the sadness that I was feeling. My brain simply cannot think at all. I mean, by right, after the 2hours lesson, my brain should be active and think non stop about it. But the truth it, I cannot think and cannot even talk about what happened to anyone until this morning. I dont even have tears to shed even when I tried. And believe me, I tried last night. But no matter how hard I tried, only a single drop heart wrenching was squeezed out of me. And yet, that did not give me any consolation or relieve that I sought after a good cry. I think I am emotionally empty now for anything that is related to this job.

I am not asking for pity. I am not asking for comforting kind words or looks. I am just pouring my feelings the only way I know how effectively, through writtings. I need a solution and need it fast before it start to consume me from the inside out and leaving me an empty husk. Because that is what I will turn into if heartache and anguish do not take me first.

6 comments:

Ching Ching said...

It has been a long time we didn't talked to each other. When i read your post, i know you need a hug. Friend. Cheer up! My shoulder always there for u.

JenJen's Place said...

Hi Chingx2,
Thanks! I definitely need a big hug from u n RK and I will claim it when I go back kch in less than 2 wks.

Yar, reli long no talk la...where u?

RK said...

SK, i've told Jen, we will hug 2 times when she comes back. Really missed Jen's hug heheee...

JenJen's Place said...

RK..OMG! Still thinking of my hugs ah? NVM la..at least u not like SK, purposely bounce at my asset! :P

Rose said...

Oh dear! Sound very depressing and serious. Dont know what to say, but stay calm and be rational my dear!! You know you have your family and friends to be there for you, right??

JenJen's Place said...

Hi Rose,
Sorry to make u depressed too. Just need an outlet to let everything out and now I am ok. Things are never as grime as they are after everything lay out in the open :)