Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Tuesday Worse Than Monday Blues

Discovered that starting work on a Tuesday is worse than Monday blues! I am so not in the mood to work today. I think my subconscious must be thinking of the same thing too because I must have woke up at least half a dozen time yesterday. I am pretty sure it was not due to the high temperature that we usually face at night because last night was rather cooling for a change. Babe & I actually retire to bed earlier than usual last night and we promptly fall asleep the moment we turn off all lights and our head hit the pillow.

Woke up at 6.15am so that I can be the first to hit the shower and get ready to leave the house for work around 7am-ish. Need to arrive at the office by 8am for our weekly Tuesday conference call with our HQ in US. I don’t do much during the meeting actually since I am not required to do any reporting at all. Instead, I am just required to sit in so that I can understand what is going on in the organization, something that is very essential for someone new in the company like me.

Talking of being new comer, today is officially my one month and 6th day of working here. Sounds short doesn’t it but it definitely feel much longer than that. It felt as if I have been working here for ages. I used to look forward to going to work everyday when I was in Kuching. Ermm, rephrase, before obi was promoted/transferred to be our section manager. Even then, it was not as bad because I know that my good friends are around. And anytime that I feel like taking a break, I will message one of them and ask if they want to go pantry or cafeteria.

Always look forward to lunch with the gals too because that is the time we catch up, gossip, laugh and talk about whatever that comes to our mind. We are so comfortable with each other that we tease each other without any hard feelings. Sometimes, we even share our worries and brainstorms solutions for our personal dilemma. Or if anyone of us is not in the mood to talk, then the others will fill in the void and the silent one can sit back and relax without being worried about how others will think about her. I miss them so much and thank goodness we are able to continue our friendship and chat online.

Today I am also feeling especially homesick. I miss my mom & dad very much. Even though I am glad to be independent but I realized that whenever I am feeling tired, worried or broke (haha!), I will be extremely homesick and feel like crying. Just this morning, while taking shower, I felt like crying my eyes out but with much self control, I stopped myself from doing that. I don’t want to make my babe worry about me. Guess we human are like that, when we have those that care about us near, we take them for granted. Then, when we can’t see them everyday, we miss them terribly!

Sorry if I am making you all depressed with my melancholic posting. I am feeling so depressed that I felt like ‘disappearing’ for a while and be on my own. I do this sometimes when I was in Kuching. I will bring my books and go somewhere on my own to take a break from everything. Usually, after a very expensive meal or shopping spree, I will feel much better. But here, I am not sure what I can do especially with my tight budget this month.

Yar, maybe it is because of money worries that compounded this feeling? I don’t know. I just wish it is payday already. Really had to stretch last month pay since I was ‘jobless’ for one week while moving from Kuching to KL and trying to settledown. The cost of moving here, settling down and so on really drain my budget. I guess I must really discipline myself (and babe) to have a tighter budget especially when we move to our own place later.

The one half month also passed in a blur for me. It felt like I am forever doing house chores, one after another. Laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning, etc. I am feeling so tired and drained. I know I should just let it be if I don’t feel like doing it but I cannot tahan (stand) see all the things piling up. And I discover that I have a very strong guilty conscience.

For example, after I came back from work, extremely tired, but the housewife is cooking in the kitchen, as much as I felt like lying down in bed and not move till dinner time or something, I will put my bags down in the room and go to the kitchen to see what I can do to help. Although I have told myself many times (babe did too) that she should be able to understand that since I work fulltime, I am tired. But knowing how she is, I really doubt that eventhough she is the fulltime housewife. Also, I feel that she don’t actually need to cook for babe and myself at all. It is out of goodness (????) of her heart.

OK, I better stop here or else I will go on and on and on about how depressed and homesick I am today. Dear Friends (u know who u r), don’t worry. I will fine later. Adios!


Rose said...

Poor gal, u just feel out of sort or everything coming to you now after 1 month plus. I know that you can go thru all those!!! Be patient my dear

Jen's Place said...

Just homesick mainly I guess...