Monday, March 10, 2008

A 9+ Years Love Affair

During the weekend, I had to do give away my heart and love of my life that has been going on for nine years. I had to keep on telling myself that I have to be selfless and let him go. I had to remind myself that I had no choice. He will be having a much better life with someone else to love him and care for him. Letting him go with her would be the most sane thing to do. Oh God, Babe, the sacrifices that I had to make for our future together. I feel so empty and in pain.

Everytime I go to the kitchen and look out the back door, I expect him and her to rush through the kitchen door and show me their cheeky face. How I miss my darling Tommy with his ears standing up straining to hear what I am telling him. He look so cute and adorable when he does that. Almost as if a cheeky smile with a surprised look at everything that I tell him. I miss how he would turn his belly up waiting for a tummy rub whenever he feel me near. He can hardly see anymore at his age but he definitely know when I am near.

I remember when I first had Tommy when he was a pup. Just a tiny timid little thing. Unlike his brother that is so brave and naughty. Tommy would stick to my side even from day one as if he knows that I will pamper and love him with undying heart. Even thinking of him now makes my eyes swim with unshedded tears. He is the one that truly seen me at my worst time and most happy times. He is there next to me in my bed when I cry myself to sleep with a broken heart many years ago. He was there to make me smile with his silly antics when I feel so down.

God, I truly truly miss my darling dog, Tommy. I hope that whoever that is taking care of him now will be good to him. I hope that he/she did not adopt him, a old half blind dog, just because he/she would like to have the younger lady dog, Angel. Angel, another love of my life. Although she and I had only been together for about three years, it is hard not to love her too especially with her large brown eyes. She might be the fiercest among all other dogs that I used to have but I know that in her heart, she is a beautiful angel.

Always playful, always asking for a rub. Even when I was cooking or washing dishes in the kitchen, she will sasha her feminine tail in and rub herself against my legs to let me know that she is there and really to be pampered. Sometimes, she will lie down nearby silently waiting for me to notice her. What a beautiful and well mannered little darling she is. Truly truly miss running my fingers through her soft fine hair.

Sigh...I sincerely hope that there are better off where they are now, with a new owner that sounds like someone that loves dogs as well. I hope Tommy & Angel will not missed me too much but will not forget me. I hope that God will be kind to them and to me and fate allow that we will meet again one day. Sacrifices I made, babe...the sacrifices I made....sigh...not regretting it. Just wish there are other ways....just wish that it does not hurt so much...

6 comments:

Dav DiDi said...

Jen, I know how u feel ... i too feel lost when my Darwin died .. He may not be a good breed of rockweiler, etc .. but still he is a very loyal dog .. I use to have him waiting for me to come home and awaken the whole neighbourhood that his master is back .. now, when I'm home, he isn't there ..

Once a while, I mistakenly called Daisy as 'win-win' too .. 'win-win' is the short form of Darwin ...

Jen's Place said...

didi,
Not sure I will ever get another dog for a long time. Not willing to feel the pain of having to give them up or losing them again....

rebeena said...

hope they got a gud family!
i not much worry coz i knw my brother will monitor them...

Jen's Place said...

Rebeena,
Thanks for the reassurance! Duno y but I especially miss them today until have to hide in the toilet to calm down just now..hahaha..silly me!

rebeena said...

kanasai! mmm, juz wander if i go back kuching, how is my bubble...
kena find way to send her back to kch..if not i think i will go gila also...hahaha

Jen's Place said...

rebeena,
That is y i think i wont have any pets when i am in kl lor in case need to relocate back to kuching....