Friday, September 12, 2008

How to handle the B without confrontation?

I know, I know~ I am back here. I just can't stay away from my blog lar! The urge to login here everytime I am online is just too strong. But I curb it and make sure I am professional about this, ie. time management. So, since it is only 7.53am I went online and did some useful self improvement research on how to have better working relationship with the bigman, yap, the boss. I know what you are thinking, oh-oh another one of jenjen's grumbling so early in the morning.

But in actual fact, I am trying to be very positive about this. I like to think that in every troubled situation, there is a way to make things better. And boy, you cannot imagine how much unhappinesss I have been facing this week with the bigman. At one point, I got so upset that I actually had to tell myself to breath and not let the tears roll! I succeeded in keeping my emotion in its place, i.e. hidden but I can sense my colleagues ooze with pity and embarasment at the way bigman is acting out.

I am not a quitter (although I do believe in contigency plans, which is why I have already dust off and updated my resume on jobstreet, grin!!). Since I am not a quitter but I also can't change my boss, I have decided to find other ways to overcome this hurdle. I guess the first step would be to change myself. No, I don't mean go for plastic surgery or pretend to be what I am not. But rather, change the way I think and communication method. This is what I gather from the many many online research which I narrow down to this few:

1. Understanding
Remember this: YOUR BOSS IS A HUMAN BEING TOO! So, try to understand why he is acting out the way he is. Perhaps he have personal issues or he too is trying to proof himself to the management. Once I am able to understand this, I think I am less angry at how he treated me in public. (Oh, I didn't tell you that he actually publicly in front of my colleagues during a meeting? I was so upset that I literally force myself to shallow the angry tears that I can feel at the back of my throat and burning my eyes).

2. Watch & Learn
I think the first step is to observe how other colleagues communicate with him and his reaction and adopt those that seems to be working. So, I guess in the future, I will stroke (?) his ego first (men and their ego~!) and make sure that I don't interrupt him in the middle of his little 'lesson' or 'lecture' as this seems to make him even more agitated. Or shall I say, don't fight fire with fire!

3. Don't Take
I always believe that you should not let anyone step you all over the place or else they will continue to do it no matter what. But having said that, I do not mean that you fight fire-with-fire. Instead, I always believe professional approach in order to handle a situation more effectively.

4. Respect
No matter how negative my thoughts are of him, I will try to find ways to respect him. After all, if he is holding a managerial position, I am sure he has some good points! So, try to do things in such a way that I will be able to work with his strengths and weaknesses too. By respecting him, hopefully, he will be able to respect my abilities and trust me too.

5. Take notes
This is another tip from my research that I will start on, i.e. document every incident somewhere so that I can look back and digest on the situation. Also, in case there is ever a legal dispute (I hope it will not come down to this), at least there are some reference and records to fall back on. Also going to list down all the projects and daily task to be used as evidence of work done if there is ever a request from anyone especially HR.

6. Know when to quit (and proceed to contigency plan)
I will always try to remember that the next time the bigman puts me down or critisize me in public, I will remember that it is NOT MY FAULT and he is human too. And no human is perfect! HOWEVER, I must also know when to call it quits. To me, the problem takes on greater urgency if the abuse starts to make you feel bad. If you chronically suffer high blood pressure that started only when you began working for your boss; or you feel nauseous the night before the start of the work week; or if all your paid vacation days have been used up for mental health breaks.

When the bullying has had a prolonged affect on your health or your life outside of work, it's time to get out. It's also time to leave if your confidence or your usual exemplary performance has been undermined. Ironically, based on my research, it seems that the targets of abusive bosses tend to be high achievers, perfectionists and workaholics. Often bully bosses try to mask their own insecurities by striking out.

I remember reading a story somewhere that teaches us that there is always a good side to every situation no matter how bad it is. I will remember to keep this to heart and see things from different perspective and angle. Above all, I will try to make sure that it does not affect my personal life and the people around me especially my darling babe. He has been trying really hard to cheer me up that day and I realised that by bringing my upsets home, he will feel upset too. So, nope, what goes on in the office, stays here. (But of course babe will be my sounding board for me to complaint! Hahahaha)


Nick Phillips said...

A boss will always be a boss. I definitely never bring home my work problems, they don't pay me to worry about it at home.

It's always good to have someone to sound off on. I do the same with my wife too :D

Jen's Place said...

Hi Nick,
Yes! A boss have his own pressure to perform. I guess I just need to improve myself n proof that I am capable! Not gonna give up so easily...

RaiNboW said...

Haha... Jen, i understand perfectly the situation since I also got a boss with a style that I just can't stand.

And i especially like ur last point. ;) Just don't let ur boss control ur emotion. Getting upset/angry over him won't make his day any worst, it only make ur day worst. So, don't let him triumph in making ur day worst. Instead, smile and show him that u r a professional who know how to handle the situation.

Jen's Place said...

Hi Rainbow dear,
Thanks for the kind word and gentle reminder. I am actually much more happier since last Friday. Found out that the boss is actually human n has his flaw, i.e. kind intention in a not so nice package! haha